I’ve met an amazing man but he’s constantly blowing hot and cold
DEAR DEIDRE: THE guy I met on Grindr is great in bed, but he’s blowing hot and cold with the way he treats me.
Although we have lots in common and have been meeting regularly – and he says he really likes me and wants a future – he’s often unavailable. I’m not sure if I should trust him.
I’m a 27-year-old man, and he’s 30.
When we first hooked up I wasn’t planning on getting into anything romantic, but we got on so well and had such good chemistry that we fell into a relationship.
Every time we meet, which is about once a week, we have sex and then spoon all night.
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We’ve talked a lot, he claims he’s told all his friends about me and he has invited me on holiday with him.
But sometimes, he goes AWOL for three or four days at a time – even missing arranged dates. Then he’ll pop back into my DMs and want to video chat for hours.
He’ll say he was sick, had work or family stuff – all conceivably true excuses alone, but it happens so often I’m starting to doubt him.
I don’t want to come over as clingy or needy but this isn’t fair. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: His behaviour is confusing, so it’s natural you’re having doubts.
It’s possible he is seeing other guys, which isn’t fair given what he’s said to you. Do make sure you’re having safe sex.
If you don’t want to ask him straight out what’s going on – and there’s no guarantee he’d answer honestly – give yourself a time limit for things to change.
If they don’t, it’s probably wise to end things before you get really hurt.