My husband watched porn and wants to have rough sex – it is really turning me off

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has started to want only rough, almost aggressive, sex and it’s turning me off completely.

We’re in our thirties and have been married for eight years. At the beginning, I loved going to bed with him because he was loving and gentle.

We would spend hours kissing, and sex was passionate, but affectionate.

Three years ago I had our son and it was traumatic, ending in an emergency C section.

I nearly lost the baby. I couldn’t have sex for months and my husband started watching porn to relieve his frustration.

When we started getting physically intimate again it was great, but he introduced new things I didn’t enjoy, like slapping my bum, pulling my hair or pushing my head down during foreplay.

When I told him I didn’t like these moves he stopped, but a few weeks later he started them again.

I thought I was over-reacting, so I let it go.

Then a few weeks ago, he choked me during sex and I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe, I thought I was going to black out.

I managed to push him off, but he couldn’t understand why I was so upset.

I have started to go to bed early to avoid him.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised you’re avoiding sex. Choking is dangerous.

It can cause brain damage, strokes or even death. Even just a moment of being strangled can lead to long-term issues like memory loss.

Sadly, choking and other forms of humiliation – like the hair-pulling and slapping – are now very common in porn, and your husband probably thinks they will turn you on.

Sit him down and be very clear that you only want loving, affectionate sex.

Explain that you miss the kind of sex you had in the beginning.

Men don’t only watch porn for sexual relief. It can be a way to not think about problems.

He probably turned to porn because he had been scared during the birth and didn’t know how to process those feelings.

But he needs to take a break because it’s warping his ideas of what healthy passion between a loving couple looks like.

My pack Is Pornography Ruining Your Life? should help.