I’ve had enough of my husband blaming me for everything

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband blames me for everything and I’ve had enough. 

If I go out to see a friend and our son has a nightmare, he’ll tell me I’m a bad mother. If someone scratches my parked car because of their bad driving, he’ll say it’s my fault.

I’m 39 and he’s 40. We have two young children and have been married for 13 years.

He’s never been very affectionate, but at least he used to be fair.

But over the past few years he’s started to find fault with everything I do. He seems angry and bitter for no reason. 

He likes starting rows, but if I try to tell him how I feel, he shuts me down and walks out. 

I dearly love our children but sometimes I need a little time to myself. Yet if I’m not there to tuck them in, or if I dare to have one drink, he says I’m neglecting them.

Of course, he’s allowed to have a social life.

I don’t know how to cope anymore. I just want an easy, happy life and don’t want to break up my family, but my marriage is making me miserable.

DEIDRE SAYS: You sound drained and exhausted by your husband.

He’s being very unfair. If he’s unhappy, he needs to talk to you and get help, not use you as a scapegoat.

Tell him how upset you are and that you’re thinking of leaving otherwise his unfair treatment will ultimately negatively affect your children. 

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to have this conversation. 

Think about couples counselling too – a safe space where you can talk through your problems with professional assistance.

Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org) to arrange an appointment.