I’m Seeing a Guy With Facial Hair, and It’s Rubbing My Face Raw. Help!

As if dating in New York City wasn’t nightmarish enough — now you’ve found someone, but your skin is in revolt. Does it help to know you’re not alone? When I reached out to a dermatologist to discuss your dilemma, she pointed out that your situation is incredibly common. “I practice in NYC, the dating capital of the world, and this is actually one of the most frequently recurring issues in my patient population,” says Dr. Rachel Nazarian, a board-certified dermatologist at Schweiger Dermatology Group. The official name for your post-hookup rash is beard burn, and Nazarian says it’s a type of irritant dermatitis. Read on for some tips that will speed up your healing and suggestions for improving your skin strength and its moisture barrier, which may prevent you from getting burned again in the future.

What is beard burn?

“Beard burn is similar to razor burn, windburn, and a form of acne called acne mechanica,” Nazarian says. When you rub up against someone’s stubble — or their full-on facial hair — the friction creates microtears in your skin that lead to irritation, inflammation, and redness. Beard burn usually clears up in one or two days, but if irritation lasts beyond that, you should see a dermatologist. “Occasionally, bacteria can be introduced into the tissue and cause an infection,” Nazarian says. “If you notice any blisters, pustules, or yellowish fluid coming from your skin, immediately call your dermatologist for an evaluation.”

How do I heal my skin after beard burn?

The goal is to cool things down. While your skin is recovering, Nazarian suggests avoiding hot water, saunas, and steam rooms. You’ll also want to stay away from any of your skin-care products with active ingredients, like retinol, acids, or other exfoliators. Instead, wash your face with a mild, nondrying cleanser. (When my skin is irritated, I also like to avoid skin care with fragrance; my go-to cleanser in this situation is Paula’s Choice Calm Ultra-Gentle Cleanser for $22.)

Since those microtears mean your skin’s barrier has been compromised, the best thing you can do is apply a moisturizer that has barrier-repairing ingredients such as glycerin and/or ceramides. The derm-favorite CeraVe Moisturizing Cream ($17) has both — and it comes in a big tub, so you don’t have to be stingy and you can apply it everywhere (beard burn can happen on any part of your body that rubs up against his face). And if your skin is really uncomfortable, Nazarian suggests applying an over-the-counter one-percent-hydrocortisone cream. “Leave it in the fridge so it applies cool, and rub it on the inflamed areas twice a day for two days to help the skin repair itself,” she says.

Paula’s Choice Calm Ultra-Gentle Cleanser

$19 at Paula's Choice

CeraVe Moisturizing Cream

$19 at Amazon

$15 at Walmart

$17 at Target

$20 at Ulta Beauty

How can I prevent beard burn?

Get up to speed on the whole barrier-repair conversation that’s been going on in skin care for the past few years. Nazarian says you want to “leave the moisture barrier intact, which ensures baseline irritation and inflammation are at a minimum.” That sounds simple, but there are so many things that can disrupt your skin barrier: drinking alcohol (it’s dehydrating and inflammatory), certain medications that dry your skin (e.g., antihistamines), dry air, hot water, overexfoliating, cleansers with drying ingredients like sodium lauryl sulfate, and skin-care ingredients such as ascorbic acid (a form of vitamin C), retinoids, salicylic acid, or high concentrations of essential oils. So try to avoid all of that.

Instead, Nazarian recommends using a non-foaming cleanser (“They do a better job of leaving natural moisturizers on the skin”). Find some options here. And look for moisturizers that contain humectants, which draw moisture into the skin; skin-softening emollients; and occlusive ingredients that prevent the moisture from evaporating. Nazarian’s suggestion is La Roche-Posay Lipikar Lotion ($19.99); it has several humectants and emollients plus shea butter that acts as an occlusive. Nazarian also recommends “natural skin-strengthening ingredients like ceramides and squalane.” If you have a moisturizer you’re faithful to, try adding in a few drops of the Outset Ultralight Moisture-Boosting Oil ($44), which has vegan squalane. I started using it a few months ago, and I find it acts like a protective shield (I’ve noticed my skin is less likely to get windburned when I’m hiking).

The last thing you can do is pretty obvious: Talk to this guy about his facial hair and see if he’s willing to shave on the days he sees you. I realize that may seem like a bit much to ask if you’re not exclusive, but it’s a conversation to consider if things progress. “People are much more willing to discuss these issues and negotiate once the relationship is solidified as official,” Nazarian says. In the meantime, keep dating. But that isn’t skin-care advice, though.

La Roche-Posay Lipikar Triple Repair Moisturizing Body Cream

$20 at Amazon

$24 at Target

The Outset Ultralight Moisture-Boosting Oil

$44 at The Outset by Scarlett Johansson

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