My son’s controlling & rude wife is ruining his life

DEAR DEIDRE: I don’t know how to help my son, whose life is being ruined by his wife.

I am his 58-year-old dad.

My son is 35 and his wife is 33.

They met at university and whenever she came to say, rather than trying to set a good impression, she drank heavily and was disruptive and rude.

My son was going to leave her, but then she became pregnant.

Things became so bad between them he had a breakdown, but still they struggled on.

They even have a second child now.

Sadly, my son never finished his degree and now works in menial jobs that pay very little.

His girlfriend has good qualifications and it seems that while she develops her career, my son’s life has come to a standstill in every way.

Thankfully, his mental health is stable now but his wife is very controlling.

He cannot go out alone so we haven’t seen him much.

If I call him he sounds very down in the dumps.

He gives in to his wife every time, saying he does not want to cause a scene, especially in front of the children.

I worry his mental health will deteriorate again but I’m not sure how best to support him.

No parent wants to see their child suffer.

Knowing your son is being controlled by his wife, and feeling powerless to help, is extremely upsetting.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are helping him merely by being there for him and listening.

He may feel he can’t tell anyone else because he’s a man.

But men can be victims of domestic abuse too, and he should not feel embarrassed.

Tell him to speak in confidence to an organisation called the Mankind Initiative (mankind.org.uk) as soon as he can.

It helps men in domestic abuse situations.

My support pack Abusive Partner also details professional organisations that can help.