Dear Jesse Watters – A Biting Commentary

By Sharon Synowsky

Dear Jesse,

I started this letter to tell you what a vile, misogynistic, racist, moronic, bullshitting , creepy-stalker, Trump sycophant you are. Then, as I went down the rabbit hole researching for this article, I found out that your rhetoric is so truly reprehensible, idiotic, and ridiculous that it is unbelievable. By that, I mean readers of this missive might not believe these words were actually uttered in front of hundreds of millions of people. Surely, I’m exaggerating, right?

So, I figured I’d let you speak for yourself a bit. Ready, Jess?

OK, let’s GOOOOO….

“When I was trying to get Emma to date me, the first thing I did was let the air out of her tires. She couldn’t go anywhere. She needed a lift, I said, ‘You need a lift?’ She hopped right in the car.”

Wow, Jesse, you told that story on air. Even your cohosts thought it was a creepy move. Greg Gutfeld, who is creepy AF himself, said, “You’re basically the Zodiac Killer.” You tried to say it was a “joke”, but you were dead serious. You even said it “had a happy ending”, as you and Emma are married now. Which reminds me, you were still married to your first wife at the time. You know, Noelle, with whom you have 2 daughters? How would you feel if a married guy who is 14 years older than your daughter, did this to her? Will it be a “funny story” then? Creepy misogynistic stalker…

“It’s all activism. It’s all ideology. It’s no history. A good chunk is really good stuff, and then it goes into white supremacy, patriarchy, abolish the prisons, overthrow capitalism, queer theory, intersectionality.”

You made that…statement…after you claimed to have read through the College Board’s new Advanced Placement class on Black history. You “concluded” that every lesson about 1960 on, had no “historical significance”. Really?! MLK, Medgar Evers, Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, desegregation, Birmingham, Selma, the Million Man March, every person/event of the Civil Rights movement have “no historical significance”? Do you hear yourself when you talk? Moronic bullshitting right there.

“This land wasn’t stolen. We won this land on the battlefield and we bought it. Right? I mean we purchased Florida from Spain. We have the receipts. What, do you want to give Florida back to Spain? We won that territory on the battlefield. It was an ugly, brutal battle, but we won it. We’re not just going to give everything back to the Indigenous people of this country.”

Wow,,,just…WOW, Jess. I choked on my Pepsi Max when heard this tidbit out of your vile pie hole. What “battlefield” did we “win” this land on? I didn’t think you could get any more ignorant and racist.

Until you did…

“You see, if you walk out of the store with stolen merchandise, you’re arrested. But if you run out with a mask on, they write it off. Allowing Americans to loot, allowing Americans to shop lift up to $900, not prosecuting street level threat, is this the establishment’s way of paying reparations without admitting it?”

OMG, Jesse, OMG! I need a shower after typing this disgusting vitriol. And aside from the blatant racism, nothing in that paragraph is even remotely true. The “establishment” is “allowing” people to loot? Street level crimes aren’t being prosecuted? In what reality, Jesse? You’re such a lying pig.

“If you’re making $20 an hour to work at a fast-food restaurant, right? Is that six figures? Are you making six figures? OK, so, $40k a year. So, and then if your husband or wife is also there. You’re making $100,000 as a family, both working at McDonald’s. That’s crazy. That is crazy, because that job really doesn’t require much so it’s inflating the entire, you know, labor sector.”

“That job doesn’t really require much”?! I worked in fast-food. I worked the overnight shift at McDonald’s so my husband and I wouldn’t have to find a way to pay for daycare. I am here to tell you, it was a very stressful job. Being the only cook who had to make the transition from the regular menu to the breakfast menu sucked. People like you couldn’t wait 5 minutes for their Egg McFuckingMuffin. They would throw a tantrum, threaten to call “corporate”, curse and call us atrocious names. I think that $20 an hour is still not enough compensation.

Add to the above your doxing of Juror #2 in the New York Election Interference trial. You know, the one who withdrew because you broadcast enough about her that she was easily identifiable? You knew what you were doing in that piece. It was blatant jury tampering, and you should be charged criminally for it. Trump sycophant.

Dude, your mother called in and reprimanded you on the air!!

She told you, “We are so proud of you and your accomplishments and you’ve worked so hard. Now let’s aim to have you keep your job. Do not tumble into any conspiracy rabbit holes. We do not want to lose you and we want no lawsuits. In keeping with the Hippocratic Oath, do no harm. We need you to be kind and respectful. You yourself said humble is a stretch, so yes, I get that. Use your voice responsibly to promote conversation that maintains a narrative thread. There really has been enough Biden-bashing and the laptop is old. Perhaps you could suggest that your people take less interest, for example, in other people’s bodies and talk about that. You could encourage that that Bedminster friend of yours to return to his earlier career on television. Everyone in the audience could wear a red hat and I am sure the ratings would soar, although never as high as yours.”

Your Mom is pretty smart. And obviously very kind and loving. You should listen to her.

I’m honestly surprised she still talks to you…

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