I put my phone addicted teen on a week-long ban – she missed 400 notifications but I ended up fearing for her safety
ASKING a teenager to give up their phone is like asking them to chop off a limb.
But as a mum of three, the amount of time my kids spend looking at screens is one of my biggest worries — from the impact on concentration and self-esteem to recent research that suggests it can harm their eyesight and social skills.
Smartphone use is a real battleground in our house.
Daisy, 14, spends up to two hours a day on hers and Jonas, 17, probably more.
My partner and I are also guilty of scrolling.
It’s only Anya, 11, who does not yet have a phone.
Last week, regulator Ofcom waged war on social media companies by proposing a code of conduct to stop algorithms pushing harmful content to under-18s around topics such as porn and self-harm — or risk being banned.
But many parents think the restrictions should go further, with a survey by Parentkind finding that 56 per cent of parents want smartphones banned for under 16s.
Ministers are now considering this — and have already issued guidance that phones should be outlawed in all schools in England.
But is a complete ban necessary?
Would it really benefit our children?
There’s no way my 17-year-old would dream of giving up his smartphone, and when I challenged Daisy to let go of hers for a week, her immediate response was: “What about you?”
To make things fair, I agreed to go screen-free too, apart from essential work access.
The question is, could we survive seven days?
MONDAY
DAISY sent a final message to her friends to say she wouldn’t be online.
But when it came to handing it over, the FOMO kicked in.
I hate the power phones have over the younger generations’ lives.
Usually, both Jonas and Daisy seem compelled to reply to a message the second it arrives — even if we’re mid-conversation or watching a film.
I’ve banned screens at the dinner table, but unless my teens are eating or doing sport, it’s hard to separate them from their devices.
Daisy tried to negotiate “just five minutes a day”.
I told her a deal was a deal.
Without the usual volley of messages, Monday morning was a breeze and Daisy mentioned we had a lot more time to get ready.
Later, she volunteered to take the dog for a walk because she had “nothing else to do”.
Another win, although I felt uneasy about her going out phone-free as I normally keep tabs on her whereabouts using a tracking app.
We’ve got used to having 24/7 contact with our kids, so I felt unnecessarily anxious.
She arrived home safe an hour later, then chatted to me while I cooked, instead of disappearing upstairs.
I was expecting her to ask to check her messages before bed, but she didn’t.
Could it be this easy?
TUESDAY
AFTER school, we went to the park and then Daisy had football training, so there wasn’t time to miss her phone.
A recent survey by charity Parentkind found nearly one in five 16 to 18-year-olds say life is not worth living because of social media, but so far, Daisy seems fine.
We are spending more time together.
The downside is I’m getting less work done.
I rely on my phone for organisation and communication, as a freelance journalist and mum.
WEDNESDAY
DAISY did some baking and art when she got home from school, but I could sense a strop brewing.
It wasn’t long before she declared: “This is sad.
“I want to message my friends.”
The novelty had worn off already.
She felt out of the loop knowing her friends would all be messaging each other.
I worry that kids these days can’t cope with boredom and they’re losing the ability to be resourceful.
Like my kids, I’m also guilty of mindless scrolling.
But I found not being able to scroll in the evening liberating and got stuck into a book instead.
I realised I don’t need to know what my Facebook “friends” are up to on a daily basis.
Not having my phone did make me realise I was on it too much, especially Instagram, so I will cut down on that. But I don’t see anything wrong with messaging my friends
Daisy Dickinson
THURSDAY
ON the school run, I noticed how many kids were staring at their phones.
It struck me as very sad that they weren’t interacting or even looking up.
According to Ofcom, 46 per cent of adolescents report they are online “almost constantly”.
While Daisy’s school has a no-phones policy, it isn’t enforced very well.
Daisy often messages at break time to ask for more lunch money, and I admit I often contact her to let her know if I’m running late.
Their homework is set online too, so if they don’t have access to a laptop, they need a phone.
It makes limiting screen time tricky and we’re only going to cut phone reliance if parents and teachers work together.
At bedtime, I gave Daisy a book.
Since having a phone, she reads less and I hope it’s something she’ll rediscover.
FRIDAY
SCHOOL was closed today so Daisy was desperate to message her friends.
During a heated argument, she declared: “This is so unfair.
“You’re stopping me from seeing my friends.
“How am I supposed to find out what they’re doing?”
So I agreed she could have her phone for ten minutes to check details of a football fixture.
Daisy volunteered to take the dog for a walk because she had ‘nothing else to do’. Another win, although I felt uneasy about her going out phone-free as I normally keep tabs on her
Becky Dickinson
She had 439 notifications from the previous four days.
Some were from the football group chat, but others were random WhatsApps and Snapchats.
In a recent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt claims that an increase in smartphone use among teens has correlated with a global mental health crisis.
He argues that for girls, the greatest damage comes from social media.
Most of Daisy’s screen time is spent messaging friends or scrolling through Instagram.
While her feed is mainly full of football content and dogs and pretty harmless, I’m conscious that she could inadvertently stumble across other more sinister material.
The internet is rife with content promoting self-harm and “thinspo”.
And although I don’t see Daisy falling victim to this, I’m sure other parents have thought the same.
After our row, Daisy responded by taking the dog out in a grump.
Later, we talked calmly – she admitted she spends too long on Snapchat and I confessed I was the same with Facebook.
That evening, we watched a film as a family, without any other screens.
There was a better sense of connection and I resolved to keep telly time phone-free.
SATURDAY
DAISY was named player of the match in her football game, but she didn’t buy my suggestion that the screen ban meant she had more focus and energy.
By the afternoon she was bored again.
She was saying “You’re so mean! What’s wrong with me using my phone anyway?”
Not being able to message her friends at the weekend definitely gave Daisy a serious case of FOMO and I did feel a bit bad. But we needed to stick to the deal.
We played Uno and Top Trumps, while I resisted the urge to let her go on Instagram or Vinted to give us both a break.
SUNDAY
It was the final day and I was really enjoying spending more time with Daisy.
It reminded me of when she was younger and I think she’s enjoyed hanging out with me too.
It’s natural for teenagers to crave independence, but I don’t want my kids to grow up too quickly.
I’ve also realised just how much we rely on mobiles for everyday communication and organisation.
VERDICT: We’re both glad the ban is over because, while we’ve learned a lot, there were some heated moments.
I’m not sure about a total ban on phones for under-16s because it is important teens feel connected to their peers, and banning tech could be doing them a disservice for the future.
However, this week has reinforced my decision not to get my younger daughter Anya, 11, a phone yet — even though most of her friends at primary school have one.
We got Jonas his mobile aged 12 and Daisy was ten when she got her first.
I hadn’t planned on letting her have a phone so soon but she was missing her friends during the Covid lockdowns and I wanted to help her.
Now I believe the pandemic has played a big role in making teens so reliant on phones.
We’ve also introduced time limits for the kids and installed apps to regulate that.
And I think it is essential that social media companies are held to account for content they show adolescents.
This experiment has shown that I want our family to spend more hours connecting, rather than connected and it has made me realise I was also wasting too much time scrolling.
DAISY SAYS: At first I didn’t really miss my phone that much.
But after a few days, I really wanted to message my friends.
The worst bit was not being able to meet at the weekend.
Not having my phone did make me realise I was on it too much, especially Instagram, so I will cut down on that.
But I don’t see anything wrong with messaging and calling my friends.
Tips to control screen time
STRUGGLING to steal your kids away from screens?
Parenting specialist Kirsty Ketley shares her top five tips to pry them away.
WAIT FOR WIFI – Set the kids up with separate Wifi (order a second router and set a different passcode at no cost) that switches off at a certain time. They’ll have no choice but to find fun elsewhere.
HOST A PARTY NIGHT – Have a phone-free night each week and swap scrolling for party games like pass the parcel.
RESORT TO RANSOM – Lock their phones in a safe. Agree times to hold gadgets to ransom, or as a consequence for breaking your screen time rules.
LET THEM MAKE THE RULES – Ask your kids to help set rules around screen time then they’re more likely to stick to them.
PUT THEM ON HOLD – Make a “phone jail” and throw away the key until chores are done – they’ll be done in a flash.