My wife expects me to live a lie because of her religious family
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is a secret lesbian and I’m sick of living a lie.
I’m angry she married me knowing she preferred women. It has left me miserable and sexually unfulfilled.
I’m 48 and she’s 52. We have been married for 18 years and have a 16-year-old son.
When we met I wasn’t very experienced and I had no idea she didn’t really find me attractive, but was using me for respectability.
She comes from a strict Christian family, who would have disowned her had they known her true sexual preferences.
She made me fall in love with her — perhaps because I have a good job and could give her a nice house and a comfortable lifestyle.
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Day to day, we get on, but sex has always been an issue. I just thought that she didn’t have a high libido.
We only had sex every couple of months, and that was when I practically begged for it.
And since our son was born, we’ve barely slept together at all.
But — I have discovered — there is nothing wrong with her libido.
During our marriage she’s had several affairs with women. She hasn’t even bothered to hide them well.
When I confronted her about one of them, she said that surely I knew about her sexual inclination. She argued that, as she wasn’t sleeping with another man, it wasn’t cheating. I feel so lonely — like I’ve wasted my life with her.
How I long for a passionate sexual relationship with someone who wants me. Other women have shown interest over the years. Now I fear I’ve missed the boat.
But I know my wife will clean me out financially if I divorce her.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s sad that your wife felt she had to hide her sexuality, but marrying you without being honest and then assuming you would turn a blind eye to her affairs with women was cruel.
You’ve wasted long enough being miserable. It’s not too late to find happiness with someone who loves you.
It’s time to tell your wife how you feel. She needs to know you won’t be her “beard” any longer. Don’t let material fears hold you back.
With good legal advice, you can make sure your assets are split fairly. Read my support pack Thinking Of Divorce, which will tell you the first steps to take.
If you’re feeling depressed, make an appointment with your GP. Counselling could also help. See my support pack about this.