I caught partner having sex with his ex-wife in my home – my trust is broken
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner cheated on me with his former wife and it still haunts me.
I caught them in the act on our sofa after returning home from work early.
Although it was years ago, and it’s now 12 months since we split up, I still can’t get the image of them having sex out of my mind.
I feel like my trust in men has been broken for ever.
My ex and I are both 50. We met when we were in secondary school and clicked, but our friendship fizzled out.
Eight years ago, I spotted him across the room at a mutual friend’s wedding. He asked if I’d like a drink.
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Everything felt so natural. He asked me for my number but I didn’t expect the text that came afterwards, asking me on a date.
I was hesitant to say yes, as I knew he was married.
But he assured me they were separated and getting a divorce.
I’d been hurt before in my previous marriage, so it took a lot for me to let my guard down. But I quickly fell in love.
He got divorced, moved in with me and, for a couple of years, I was so happy.
But one day I was sent home ill from work.
I didn’t tell my partner in advance as I was expecting him to be out.
When I went into the living room, I found him and his ex, 48, entwined on our sofa.
It was such a shock that I ran outside. He came after me, claiming it was just a one-off mistake.
Eventually he confessed to having a nine-month affair.
After that, we tried to rebuild our relationship but I found it impossible to relax.
He had to spend time with his ex because they had kids together but every time I knew he’d be seeing her, I felt anxious.
Finally, last year, I decided I’d had enough and walked away.
We tried to stay friends but I found it too upsetting.
Despite all the time that has passed, I miss him, and haven’t got over what happened.
How can I move on with my life?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex could not be trusted and you did the right thing by walking away. You deserve better.
But you are stuck, unable to move on emotionally from his betrayal, torturing yourself with what has happened.
It is time to allow yourself to heal. My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart has more information that should help you to move on.
Counselling might also be useful, because it will help you work through your emotions and then find better ways to cope. See my support pack about this.