Army issues burlap sacks of grain as new retention bonus
WASHINGTON — The Army will begin issuing 50-pound burlap sacks of grain to reenlisting soldiers in an effort to fight food insecurity across the force and increase morale at the same time, Army Chief of Staff Gen. Randy George announced at a press conference today.
“We feel this is a positive measure that will show we care. People first as I believe the saying is!” said George to the three out of 400 soldiers in the audience who were still paying attention.
“Giving these guys and gals hefty sacks of grain shows that we want to make sure they and their families are not going without food.”
The new plan, nicknamed “Burlap for the Best of America,” comes in response to various reports of service members and their families around the nation who are having a difficult time obtaining proper nutrition. It also provides quick relief to soldiers serving in Alaska, where the cost of living allowance has decreased amid an exponential rise in food and rent prices and increased financial anxiety among families.
During a reenlistment ceremony held at FedEx Field in Washington, five soldiers received the honor of being the first to receive the lofty sacks of grain. They were not aware that their cash bonuses had been replaced with food, according to defense officials.
“Excuse me? I’m getting what for reenlisting?” asked Sgt. Nathan Willett after a dusty sack of wheat was thrown at his feet during the ceremony. “What about my $10k bonus? I’m going to IG!” said Willett, who had already signed his five-year contract.
The Army Inspector General did not respond to a request for comment from Duffel Blog or a desperate plea from Willett.
The new program is being touted as a booming success by leadership throughout the Army. Officials say that with inconsistent quality at base dining facilities, the distribution of grain will ensure that all soldiers in the barracks can have a homemade nutritious meal.
“The health and well-being of our service members and their families are of utmost importance,” said Sergeant Major of the Army Michael Weimer in response to criticism of the new initiative. “And whole grains are crucial to health.”
When asked about why soldiers couldn’t simply buy food with money, he responded candidly. “Let’s be honest. Do you think these guys were spending their money on that? All they’re going to do is go out and finance a Camaro and complain we don’t pay them enough to eat well.”
Meanwhile, Army officials say that the service plans on providing other culinary delights for reenlisting soldiers in the fall, including cans of Spam and government cheese.
The Dirty LT is a former Army Officer and aspiring military reporter.