Opinion: My family calls me unruly. So what if I am?

I’m a 17-year-old Asian American girl choosing not to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Am I an unruly, or is this another piece of an ongoing conversation about women and our place in society?

Editor’s note: This story is part of the annual Mosaic Journalism Program for Bay Area high school students, an intensive course in journalism. Students in the program report and photograph stories under the guidance of professional journalists.

Society tells me I’m unruly. I agree.

I’m a 17-year-old Asian American girl choosing not to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. I dream of being a journalist. I spend most of my time in my high school’s theater, hanging out with my friends until late at night, and my SAT score was so low that I would probably be cast out by my community if they were to ever know how badly I scored.

There’s a certain perception about girls like me who choose to wear makeup to school, to pursue the liberal arts, to openly disagree with my parents, and to right wrongs when I see them. The perception is that we’re wild, out of control, and the bane of our parents’ existence. Because I advocate to live my life my way, I’m labeled defiant.

But this negative view goes beyond my Punjabi relatives in India who say that my parents have failed in raising an obedient daughter. It goes beyond the identity of being a person of color, or a first-generation American, or an artist in the making.

What it really is, is an ongoing conversation about women — and girls like me — and our place in society. We’ve spent so much time trying to prove that we’re tame and not fussy, trying to prove that we are content with any decisions made for us.

I say, embrace the label.

By allowing this perception that we should be docile and disciplined, we let you confine us to a box. The box that forces us to nod and smile and sit pretty. The box that fixates our lives around our parents’ reputations and what the neighbors next door are going to think. The box that limits a woman’s job to nurturing the young. The box that reserves more important tasks for men because that’s how nature meant for it to be.

Continuing to try to force the label silences the noise we’re making in the name of change. It doesn’t matter if you’re Punjabi American or Latin American or whatever your cultural heritage might be, you deserve to be heard. Here’s my solution for all who are rejecting what the immigrant daughters of America are growing into: embrace it.

We are no longer in the generation where women are expected to stay at home and stay quiet. The vice president of the United States is a woman. CEOs of big companies are women. We’re going places and we have opinions. We’re creating change in places where change hasn’t been seen. We’re shaking things up and we’re marking our places on untouched surfaces. Sounds not tame and fussy, yes, but I can still honor my family while knowing my own heart and mind.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all box. This is America. Each of us has the opportunity to forge their own path. We get to decide what being wild or untamed means to us, because there will always be new choices or difficult decisions to be made. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s also inevitable.

So, yes, I am unruly. What about it?

Nanki Kaur is a member of the class of 2025 at American High School in Fremont.