I’m being punished for my wild days

DEAR DEIDRE: Years ago I slept around, and now it feels like I’m being punished for it.

My boyfriend keeps meeting guys I had sex with in the past, and it’s making him paranoid and jealous. He’s changed his attitude towards me, and I feel like I’m losing him.

I’m 29 and he’s 30. We’ve been together for nine months, I really love him, and can see myself settling down with him.

I live in a small town. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I went through a wild phase.

I drank, took drugs and slept with lots of guys of all ages, even some married ones.

This earned me a bit of a reputation for being ‘easy’, which I’m not proud of. I’ve felt guilty ever since.

In my defence, I was having a difficult time at home.
Since then, I’ve grown up, got my act together and no longer have casual sex. I feel ready to settle down and have a family.

When I met my boyfriend, who had just moved to the area, I knew he was the one.

Then he started to get to know a group of local guys, and began hearing stories about me.

Some of them were my ex partners. He found that hard to handle.
I told him I’d slept with about 8 people, when in reality it’s a lot more.

He keeps asking if there’s anyone else he should know about, and I keep saying no because I’m terrified he’ll leave me.

It’s really getting me down.

DEIDRE SAYS: Please stop beating yourself up. You’ve done nothing wrong and don’t need to justify your behaviour.

You can’t change your past. But your boyfriend fell in love with the person you are now – and you’re shaped by that past.

Our society still judges women in a way they don’t judge men. You yourself have decided you are ready to settle down – that is all that matters.

You both need to focus on the present and future – or your relationship won’t have one.

Tell him you want to sort this out and put it behind you. If he truly loves you, he will want to do that.

My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, will help.
Also read Dealing With Jealousy.