As a Proud Taurus, I Will Not Be Working It Out on the Remix

Charli XCX and Lorde officially squashed their beef on the remix of Charli's new song, "The girl, so confusing version with Lorde," and the internet went wild. Fans are revisiting their own unmended feuds, social media quickly turned Lorde’s newly iconic line, “Let’s work it out on the remix,” into a meme, and TikTokers are fantasizing about the end of other iconic celebrity feuds like the decades-old one between Lauren and Heidi.   And while I’ve been playing the song on repeat like the rest of the world, as a loud and proud detail-oriented, laser-focused, and stubborn Taurus, I'm going to take a hard pass on working through any of my grudges. I may not remember the precise time and date of these interactions, but I remember literally every single detail...and I will never forgive. To the family that cut me in line at the airport and then accused me of cutting in line, I am taking that to the grave and I hope you suffer through hours-long flight delays for the rest of your lives. To the man who rammed his baby stroller into me because I didn't leap out of his way—I hope there is always a tourist idling at the top of the stairs when you try to leave the subway. To the person who accurately noted that my dog was slightly over the weight limit for the small dog park, I hope you enjoy being the subject of a very delusional text rant.   To the girl who called me too ditzy to get into a good college my junior year of high school, I am never letting that feud die and I hope you leave every conversation wondering if you’ve mispronounced a simple word.  To anyone who has ever so much as slightly inconvenienced one of my friends, we now have a blood feud. Don’t even get me started if you’ve made them cry.  If it seems exhausting to carry around an internal list of minor slights, then you’re obviously not a Taurus. (Charli's a Leo and Lorde's a Scorpio...they could never.) But, having a series of increasingly petty feuds allows me to appropriately direct my irritation and show up as my best self. And who am I to take that away from me? (To be clear, I can and do work through things constructively with loved ones and colleagues…if they’ve earned it). I love that Lorde, Charli, and anyone who feels the need to squash the beef with their enemies now has an anthem for it. But for anyone currently, and likely unknowingly, in a feud with me—we will not be working it out, not in this lifetime, and definitely not with a song.