Our IVF Journey Highlighted To Us The Inequality Of Same Sex Fertility Treatments In The UK

Last year, HuffPost UK reported that, for LGBTQ+ couples, the cost of conceiving is often much higher than heterosexual couples. 

This has a staggering impact on LGBTQ+ couples, with some turning to private fertility clinics to get the support that they need to conceive.

HuffPost UK spoke with same-sex couple, Amanda and Nia, both aged 37, who were desperate to start a family – but seeing the length of NHS waiting lists, and mindful that their biological clocks were ticking, decided to explore private treatment.

Miraculously, despite Nia’s PCOS diagnosis and the difficulties that come with IVF, they have conceived a baby boy called Zak, with another baby due in September this year.

We spoke with the couple about the difficulties they faced and what advice they’d give to those in a similar position to what they were.

First of all – congratulations! Did you expect IVF to be this successful, so quickly? Were you at-all apprehensive about the process?

Thank you, we really didn’t expect IVF to be successful first-time round for either of us let alone the both of us. We did do IUI [Intrauterine insemination - a fertility treatment that gives sperm a better chance at fertilising an egg] twice prior to the first IVF round which unfortunately did not work and we are so pleased we listened to the advice of the professionals at our IVF clinic, abc IVF and went ahead with IVF.

We are currently just over 6 months pregnant with our second little miracle! This time we have done reciprocal IVF, where a frozen embryo from the first round of IVF is being used. This means we are using the same eggs from Amanda and the same sperm donor as we did in the first round however this time, Nia is carrying the baby whereas in the first round Amanda carried.

Nia was diagnosed with PCOS in her early twenties and so as well as not thinking we could be so lucky for it to work the first time again on the second round, with her added medical condition, she’d always had doubts as to whether she could ever get pregnant.

Is there anything from the IVF process that you weren’t prepared for and would like others to be aware of?

We think with the IVF process you need to go into it as informed as possible. So, do your research, speak and listen to your IVF specialists and have an open mind.  Yes, we’ve had two successful rounds of IVF, but it wasn’t all plain sailing.

Everybody going into IVF treatment is eager to give it a go and get to the positive end result, whether that’s those who are doing it because they are in a same sex relationship or whether its perhaps from months or years of trying naturally as a heterosexual couple.

From the very start of choosing a sperm donor, we had our eyes opened as to how complex the whole process can be. At the time there was a shortage in donors when we were searching for our donor match (likely due to the Covid-19 pandemic) we learnt that there are so many factors to consider when choosing a suitable donor and we wanted to be sure we were choosing the right one.

We would say, go into it as educated as possible so there are as little surprises as possible and listen to the professionals as sometimes you have to expect the unexpected with IVF which may delay things and be disappointing at the time but may have the best possible outcome in the long run.

It’s really disappointing that LGBTQ+ couples face significant challenges when trying to conceive. Were you aware of how difficult it was for same sex couples to access fertility treatment before you started your journey, and is there any advice you have for people in a similar position?

We were aware of how difficult it can be for people. We went into it in our mid/late-thirties and made the decision to pay privately for our fertility treatment due to the long waiting lists on the NHS.

Our body clocks were against us we felt, and we know people who have waited 2+ years for fertility treatment through the NHS and without a guaranteed positive outcome we did not want to waste that time. We are aware also that in some areas of the UK they haven’t funded IVF treatment for same-sex couples in the past unless they have privately funded a number of unsuccessful IUI treatments first, so we are aware that the NHS treatment for some is even harder still to access.

We used abc IVF for our fertility treatment. They specialise in mild IVF and offer IVF at a lower cost. If you qualify, as they have certain criteria, then we would 100% recommend them for the mild IVF which is less harsh on your body, as well as obviously the financial implications fertility treatment can have on people. We would say however again, do your research and educate yourself on what is available out there and choose a service and provider which feels right for you in your area. Our IVF clinic also made us feel so ease as a same-sex couple entering this scary process, which was looking back, also a hugely positive thing for us.

Outside of the UK, there are also still countries where same-sex parenting is not legal. So, although the situation could be a lot better for LGBTQ+ people in accessing fertility treatment for free, we also feel lucky to live in a place where we are able to bring children into the world where we can show them love & hopefully one day, this will be the case for everybody.

Is there anything else that you would like to add?

Just to say all the best to anyone out there who is on or thinking about starting their IVF journey. It most certainly has its highs and lows but it will all be worth it in the end!

“This is just another way in which LGBTQ+ individuals are discriminated against in society”

In a statement on their website, leading LGBTQ+ charity Stonewall said: “The lack of equitable access to NHS funding for IVF means that conceiving children isn’t an option for lots of people in our communities. With many cis, straight couples qualifying for IVF on the NHS if they have not become pregnant after two years of unprotected sex – at no additional financial cost – this is just another way in which LGBTQ+ individuals are discriminated against in society.

“Policies around IVF particularly impact bi women, lesbians, and some trans people.”

A spokesperson for the Department of Health and Social Care told HuffPost UK:

“NICE (The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence) is currently reviewing its fertility guidelines and will consider whether the current recommendations for access to NHS-funded treatment are still appropriate. We expect that this review will be published later in 2024.”

“NHS England is developing advice to assist Integrated Care Boards with implementing this advice and we intend that the guidance be available shortly.”