I want to leave my husband for a man I haven’t actually even met
DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT to leave my husband for a man I haven’t actually even met.
I’m 54 and my husband is 55, we’ve been together for over 30 years and share three beautiful children.
My husband and I split up over five years ago but have continued to co-habit for the sake of our children as they all have learning disabilities.
We wanted to give our children a stable life instead and we get on well.
We do occasionally have sex but only to satisfy our needs.
Neither of us wants to rekindle our relationship.
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Last year I decided I was ready to find love again.
I then got talking to a man who supports the same football club as us.
He is everything I want in a man and more.
He lives a few hours away from me but we communicate regularly through phone and video calls.
We love each other although we are yet to meet.
However, it’s very awkward as while I’ve never met him, my husband has.
My husband and him supported the same football team as young adults and often went to matches together with their friends.
I don’t know how to tell my husband I have fallen head over heels in love with his former friend.
They don’t see each other any more but I think it will hurt my husband.
The man that I’ve really fallen for is obviously worried about my husband’s reaction also.
He doesn’t want to meet in person if it’s behind my partner’s back.
Neither of us wants an affair and he says we can only pursue a relationship if I leave my husband.
I want to get on with my life but feel stuck.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Looking after three children with learning disabilities will have put a huge strain on both you, your husband and your marriage.
Don’t make any rash decisions before meeting this man in real life at the very least.
If you still think you could have a future with him then you would be wise to talk to your husband.
As you say it would be far better to be honest and upfront with him than start sneaking around.
Give him time to absorb the news and he may well accept this development.
I’m sending you my support packs Ending A Relationship and Thinking Of Divorce to help you think this through.