Getting divorced and failing in love again is not failure, it’s modern life and Kym Marsh and I are doing it right
LO and behold. Within hours of Kym Marsh taking to social media to declare her love for a new man 19 years younger, the trolls set to work.
There were comments galore aimed at the 48-year-old actress and singer, along the lines of: “He looks like your son” and “I like you, Kim, but keep it to yourself.”
Lest we forget, trolls rarely, if ever, say things from a place of love. These comments came from a place of discomfort, jealousy and with the sole aim of shaming.
The waves of disapproval were palpable.
But that’s what you get when you are a woman who has had more than one partner in her life, and who society thinks should go quietly into middle age and not brag about finding love again.
Her new man is Samuel Thomas, 29, an actor, singer and vocal coach. They met while performing in 101 Dalmatians: The Musical, in which Kym plays Cruella de Vil.
Like me, Kym has been married three times. In my opinion, she is a woman who dances to the beat of her own drum.
Dusted herself off
She’s led many lives already, becoming a mother at 19 and 21 while engaged to the children’s father. A time that was marked by financial instability and, no doubt, the caustic judgment all young mothers suffer.
Then she married her first husband; found fame in the band Hear’Say; the marriage ended and she married a second time.
But life was not without pain and sorrow. She had a daughter but lost her premature son, Archie, shortly after his birth. The kind of pain many struggle to recover from.
The loss of a child would test even the strongest relationships and unsurprisingly the marriage to Jamie Lomas didn’t last.
Determined in her pursuit of love, Kym picked herself up and dusted herself off.
Eventually she fell in love again but due to work commitments, her third marriage floundered.
It could be partly this that so angered the trolls — because it was only a year ago she split from Major Scott Ratcliff and now she has the audacity to announce she’s found happiness all over again.
With three marriages under her belt and children by different fathers, how very dare she fall in love again with someone she is already calling her “soul mate”?
We are all having multiple relationships
Ulrika
This kind of behaviour makes people feel deeply uncomfortable.
It doesn’t sit well with them. In fact, I’m sure many would prefer her to be miserable and broken-hearted until the end of time.
Here she is in all her amorous glory, showing the world her quest for love has, once more, succeeded. I’m thrilled for her. You would expect me to say that — as a woman who has been married three times and has children by different fathers and has still not given up on my pursuit of love.
Things have changed, people. We’re all living longer and with the stigma of divorce having gradually eroded over time, we are all having multiple relationships.
We are no longer marrying at 20 and staying put for the next 50 years, because women now go out to work and build lives for themselves, and greater connectivity and accessibility has meant we have greater choice. Perhaps too much choice.
It’s for this reason I truly admire Kym Marsh. I don’t know her from Adam, but she appears to be a woman after my own heart.
She is fearless when it comes to betting on love. She jumps in with both feet first. She’s a die-hard romantic, not dissuaded or so scarred by previous experiences that she has ever given up on love.
She has the kind of formidable strength that enables her to move on, when most people — often men — have one heartbreak and cannot contemplate love again.
Things run their course, people change
Ulrika
Kym doesn’t give up. I don’t understand why people can’t see that as a virtue, as tenacious and courageous. She runs her own race.
Although, historically, women probably suffered greater shame and disgrace as divorcees, we are learning to see the end of relationships or marriages is not a “failure”.
Things run their course, people change, circumstances change and we know now we don’t have to shut up and put up for the rest of our lives.
Besides, every relationship has its good points, its great moments and they might be right for us at the time. It’s not all disastrous.
I used to see divorce as a massive failure. With three under my belt and no chance of me walking down the aisle another time, I look at it much more positively nowadays.
It’s given me personal freedom and I can acknowledge I’m not the person I was 34 years ago when I married for the first time.
Couple of romantics
Like Kym, I’ve always believed that if something doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to make changes. At the same time as not giving up on love.
There will be many who will think that Kym (and I) are idiots, that we are weak or desperate or we’re too soft for relentlessly pursuing a happy ending in the face of so much misfortune.
We are not unlucky in love. In fact, we’re probably just a couple of romantics. And you can’t knock someone for that, surely?
Kym is proof that women’s needs, wants and attitudes have changed. We’re quite capable of doing just as we please.
In the words of Kym to one of the followers who objected to this new chapter of her life: “Do one!”
Put away your envy and criticism and let’s all hail Kym Marsh.