Eat My Words: We review Vintage Lindy Lou tea room in Crayford, near Dartford

If you’d have told me I’d be having lunch while sitting in a green bathtub, I’d assume we were visiting some Insta-famous influencer hotspot in London where quirky aesthetics rule.

Instead, I found myself sipping tea and nibbling finger sandwiches in Crayford in perhaps the most unusual tea room I’ve ever visited.

Vintage Lindy Lou is a hidden gem tucked away on the town’s green and, while it might look like a plain brick building from the outside, you completely forget you’re surrounded by corner shops and one-way traffic from the moment you step foot in the door.

The lobby welcomed us with a floral armchair straight out of nan’s living room and a wall of bright red poppies.

We were then greeted by Fay, who runs the place single-handedly and only opens from Thursday to Sunday.

As the name suggests, Fay, who was sporting a 1940s headscarf, is obviously a fan of all things vintage.

The entire place was adorned with trinkets, my eyes simply didn’t know where to look. On the short walk to our table I spotted military jackets, fringed lampshades, a grandfather clock, stacks of sepia-tinged documents and an old-fashioned sewing machine.

When we arrived at our seats, I quickly realised that I’d be dining inside a mint-green bathtub, which was propped up at the table and decorated with Union Jack scatter cushions and knitted blankets. It’s not where I thought I’d be having lunch, but I do like surprises.

After a quick scan of the menu, my eyes were drawn to the ‘short stack’ afternoon tea.

It’s a smaller, cheaper option than the full shebang, offering four finger sandwiches, your choice of scone or cake and unlimited tea and coffee.

I felt like this dainty delicacy would be much more fitting for the traditional vibe of the place, as did my lunch buddy, so we opted for two.

I also had to check with Fay about vegetarian options and was pleased to hear her rattle off at least four sandwiches that were meat-free.

I went for cheddar and onion chutney and egg mayonnaise sandwiches and a giant New York cookie stuffed with chocolate brownie for my cake.

Our drinks came first - a pot of green tea for me, complete with delicate teacups, matching saucers and a tea strainer, and a pot of black coffee for my friend.

It was only once we were waiting for our food that I had a chance to look up and spot the countless teacups hanging from the ceiling - another fun addition to this unique cafe.

I also noticed a piano tucked away in the corner that I’m told is often occupied on the weekends, but sadly no-one stepped up to tickle the ivories during our visit.

The sandwiches soon arrived, presented with a flourish on a silver afternoon tea stand. They looked perfectly symmetrical, crusts expertly removed, and the cookie was absolutely monstrous, taking over the entire top tier.

While neither cheese or egg mayo are my favourite fillings, I have to hold my hands up - all four finger sandwiches were utterly delicious. The balance of flavours was just right and they had enough filling to abate my hunger without being too much.

I was also reliably informed by my friend that her sandwiches - turkey and cranberry and coronation chicken - were equally tasty.

Then it was time to tackle the cookies.

These beasts were the ultimate sweet treat, packed with a decadent combination of cookie dough, chocolate chips and gooey brownie. Neither of us could finish them, managing about half a cookie before admitting defeat, but the staff were happy to provide takeaway boxes.

We took our time and never felt rushed. Fay even gave us a few tips on how to read our tea leaves once we finished and it felt like we could’ve sat there all afternoon soaking up the cafe’s many sights and no-one would have minded.

On the way out, we paid up and added a little tip. I was told that any gratuity is donated to Bexley Women’s Aid - another great touch from the owner.

It wasn’t what I expected, but the phrase ‘never judge a book by its cover’ couldn’t be truer here. Vintage Lindy Lou ticked all the boxes - a friendly atmosphere, finger-licking food and entirely fascinating decor.

Out of five:

Food: The afternoon tea was delightful, even though the sandwiches weren’t my favourite flavours I still thoroughly enjoyed them ****

Drink: The unlimited tea and coffee was great, and there were lots of choices other than your usual English breakfast tea and filter coffee ****

Decor: Every inch of the place is covered in fun knick-knacks and a lot of time and effort has clearly gone into the decorating *****

Staff: Fay was a wonderful host, and the other server was friendly and efficient *****

Price: Our ‘short stack’ afternoon tea was £17.80 each, a bit pricer than the sandwich and cuppa I had in mind but it tasted great and we couldn’t even finish ours so I can’t say it’s not good value for money ****