Steamy session with my female best friend is all I can think about – I’m unsure if I can continue this friendship
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a passionate night in with my female best friend, I’m worried that I’ve fallen in love with her.
The big problem is I’m married and she doesn’t seem interested. I cannot stop replaying our kiss and fevered session on her sofa.
I’m 40 and have been married to my 45-year-old husband for 13 years.
On the outside we have the perfect life with two gorgeous children and a nice house but the reality is he feels more like a friend than a lover.
As the relationship between me and my husband cooled, I became closer to my best friend. We met in primary school and she has always understood me in a way no else has.
But within the last year, things have changed between us.
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A couple of months ago we were enjoying a couple of glasses of wine at her place.
It felt very natural as we reached for each other and started kissing.
It was the most sensual experience of my life. We explored each other’s bodies and then, as normal, I stayed over in the spare room. The next morning it was as if nothing had happened.
I’m desperate to kiss her again but she doesn’t seem interested. I’ve thought about telling her how much I love her but I don’t think she feels the same way about me.
In order to protect myself, I have distanced myself from her and she’s beginning to notice that something is up.
In an ideal world I would admit my feelings to her and she would feel the same, but if she doesn’t I’m worried that I will lose her forever.
I’m not sure what to do anymore, or if I can continue this friendship.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You started to spend more time with your friend because neither you nor your husband were making an effort.
Married life with children is frantic and exhausting.
Left untended, there is little opportunity to connect and be with our partners.
Naturally, this creates an environment for distractions.
Turn to your husband and focus your efforts on him. The more you invest in him the less you will fixate on your friend.
If you are still struggling, talking to a therapist alone or together will help you. You can contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
In the meantime you would be wise to limit how much you see your friend until you feel more grounded.
It’s no good pretending you didn’t cross a line. Let her know you think a lot of her but need time to sort yourself out after that evening.