Senior Moments: Though I longed for a crown, I didn’t expect to get it this way

“You are a beautiful princess,” my mother said to the young, tutu-attired Patty who was getting ready for her ballet recital.

“Don’t forget your tiara,” Mom continued, handing me a silverish sliver of a headband with a small sparkly star on top.

“I don’t want to be a princess. I want to be a queen with a real gold crown.”

I have waited a very long time for that dream to be realized. The big event happened on the afternoon before Independence Day this year. It wasn’t exactly the ceremony I had envisioned that long ago morning in my tights and ballet slippers, but it was definitely memorable. 

I’d like to say it was a once-in-a-lifetime event but I’m afraid that’s not true.

The crowning took place in my dentist’s office and it was a lot more complicated than simply placing something round on my head. The young me wanted to tell my mother that I would wear the tiara after all. Forget the crown. I want to go home.

On the first “open wide” command I summoned up images of the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II that I had seen on television. I forced myself to concentrate on the majesty of that occasion rather than what was going on in my mouth. Startled back to reality by an “oops” uttered by the technician trying to remove my temporary crown, I muttered a muffled “Is something wrong?”

Once she assured me everything was fine, I retreated to my queen fantasy although the crown part was beginning to lose its shine.

The dentist appeared just as I was sorting through my list of “crownings” I had witnessed. Miss America, Miss Virginia, Miss California, Pasadena Rose Queen… “And here we go” he smiled showing me my crown which looked nothing like the crowns any of those ladies had worn.

He had to whittle down the big crown to fit in my small mouth. I likened myself to a piece of wood being shaved for a door fitting. Too big won’t fit. Too small will fall out.

A man of precision, my dentist got it exactly right and soon I was biting down on a piece of wood that had to stay in place for six minutes. Normally waiting six minutes is no big deal, unless you are doing it with a stick of wood in your mouth. Fortunately my time was up just as I ran out of women I had seen crowned.

My desire to be a queen has passed, but should it ever happen I would nix the crown.

Email patriciabunin@sbcglobal.net. Follow her on X and patricabunin.com.