Remembering Dr. Ruth: An Unexpected Jewish Icon

Dr. Ruth Westheimer was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. A dynamo, she was always full of energy,...

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Dr. Ruth Westheimer was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. A dynamo, she was always full of energy, quick with a joke, and offered great advice.

When I was walking with a female friend who complained about going to too many parties, Dr. Ruth turned to her and said: “You’re not going to meet someone in your apartment.”

I interviewed Dr. Ruth a few times, and ran into her on occasion when I went to the theater. She was extremely proud of her documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, which can be seen on Hulu. Westheimer died at the age of 96 on July 12.

The film includes old footage of her saying that what two consenting adults do in “the privacy of their bedroom, living room, [and] kitchen floor is all right.”

A licensed sex therapist who taught at Columbia University, she rose to fame with radio and TV shows in which she helped people discuss their personal sexual difficulties. She also maintained that short people were the best lovers. She was someone who said there was no such thing as “normal,” and said those who are gay deserve “all the respect” in the world — at a time when that was not a popular opinion. The film shows her saying she hoped for a cure for AIDS, and that it was wrong to blame any one group.

Born as Karola Siegel on June 4, 1928, she originally lived near Frankfurt, Germany. She was put on a Kindertransport — a program to save German children from the Holocaust — and lived in an orphanage in Switzerland during World War II. She got letters from her parents and grandmother, but when the letters stopped, she knew something was terribly wrong.

Dr. Ruth’s family was murdered by the Nazis, with her father dying in Auschwitz in 1942 and no exact record of her mother’s death.

She sailed to the British mandate of Palestine, and went to a kibbutz in 1945 at the war’s end. She changed her name from Karola, to her middle name of Ruth. She lost her virginity to a man named Kalman on a haystack, as she described in her film.

Signing the guest book at the Yad Vashem Museum in Israel, she held back tears, saying “German Jews don’t cry in public.”

Perhaps it was due to the loss of her parents that she wanted to spread love to so many and influence people to pursue happiness.

When I knew her, she was always running to the next event or appearance. When I asked her why she scheduled so many events, she told me: “As long as I’m alive, I am going to work and I love having things to do and talking to people.”

She was very much like the world’s cutest grandmother — but that also belies her past.

Westheimer was a sniper in the Haganah. Though an injury to her feet when a cannon fired on her building nearly resulted in the amputation of her legs, she healed and was able to ski and dance.

She was married three times, with her last husband, Fred, being the long-time marriage. She studied at the Sorbonne. In 1956, she came to America.

“Somebody who talks so much about sex has to stay away from politics,” she said in her film, though she said abortion should remain legal.

She read romance novels to learn English. She took great pride in her grandchildren — Leora, Ari, Ben, and Michal. At the age of 42, she got her doctorate from Columbia University’s Teachers College and would go on to write numerous books.

Dr. Ruth was a huge personality, and could make anyone laugh and appreciate her wisdom. Whenever I saw her, she was smiling, and you could tell she loved life and helping others.

Her blend of chutzpah, charm, and brute honesty made her a quotable and prominent celebrity. She was humble and didn’t move to a hugely expensive apartment, even though she could have, choosing to remain in Washington Heights. It was her decision to appear on WYNY, a New York City radio station that helped launch her career with a show first called “Sexually Speaking.” She also did some acting.

Despite her painful past, Dr. Ruth is a great example of a nice person achieving great things in life.

The author is a writer based in New York.

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