Growing Up: This Man In His Mid-Forties Has Reached The Stage Where Getting Absolutely Wasted On Whiskey And Cocaine Is Only Pretty Fun 

It’s a sad reality that the things we love when we are young often become trite and routine after many years of doing them. Here’s an obvious example of this unfortunate phenomenon: This man in his mid-forties has reached the stage where getting absolutely wasted on whiskey and cocaine is only pretty fun. 

Oh no! What a bummer that his most beloved activity has now become only one of his top five activities. 

“I don’t know, man,” 46-year-old chef Pat Liberman recently confessed to some friends he was partying with. “In my twenties and thirties, all I wanted to do was rip lines and kill handles. I’d go six, seven days in a row and it felt so fucking good. But now, it’s like, 12 shots and not even half an eightball and I’m good. I don’t even get that fucked up because I want to be able to take my kids to school in the morning. My last bender was only three days long. Guess I’m just growing up”

Pat went on to explain that, while he used to basically live for drugs and alcohol, he now lives for his family, his career, and drugs and alcohol. “I’ve just got so much more going on now. Like, nothing beats the high of watching your kids play sports while you’re a little bit buzzed on a speedball. The other day I opened my third restaurant and I thought, ‘God, this feels almost as good—if not as good—as getting loaded with a prostitute.’ Then I got loaded with a prostitute to make sure, and I was right! Guess the old me is starting to die off in a way. I’ve probably gotten wrecked thousands of times, so yeah, if you’re doing the same thing over and over, after a while it’s only going to feel very good instead of absolutely amazing.”

Damn. It’s always tough to feel your passion for something you love wane and have it become something you just like a lot. 

Don’t worry, Pat, there’s more to life than snorting drugs with strangers in strip club bathrooms, so even if those days are behind you, we foresee many days of secretly smoking a little cocaine in your own bathroom during your son’s birthday party to come. Everyone grows out of things, but we’re sure you’ll find a way to pursue your passions even if they are only 80-85% as fun for you as they once were.