We’re ‘one and done’ mums – it’s not selfish, we want to preserve our looks, protect our pockets and our only children
SITTING by the pool watching daughter Roxy splash about in the Spanish sun, Carrie Ann Booth could not be happier.
It’s not just that she has the money to pay for a holiday — it’s being able to afford swimming lessons for eight-year-old Roxy, who is now confident in the water.
But Carrie Ann, 42, from Carlisle, isn’t wealthy.
She can only stretch to these luxuries because she is one of the growing number of “one and done mums” — the term for women who decide to stop after just one child.
“If we had more children, Roxy simply wouldn’t have the best of everything,” says Carrie Ann.
“I grew up in a council house, where I’d end up doing my homework by candlelight and wearing layers of jumpers because there wasn’t enough money to pay the gas and electricity bills.
“Sometimes the only meal I had was my free school dinner. I’m determined that Roxy will not suffer like I did.”
Carrie Ann now says she’s terrified of jeopardising Roxy’s quality of life by adding to her brood.
“I feel as frightened of getting pregnant now as I did as a teenager,” she says. “I religiously take my Pill and if I did conceive, I’d consider a termination.”
And she is far from alone in wanting no more than one child.
According to the latest figures, there were an estimated 3.7million one-child families in Britain in 2023, compared with 3.2million 20 years ago.
That’s a 16 per cent jump in just two decades. In contrast, there are currently 3.38million two-child families and just 1.18million with three or more kids.
Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson, of the Women’s Budget Group, says: “It’s not surprising women are choosing to have fewer children, as times are really hard now for young families.
“We have incredibly high housing costs and some of the most expensive childcare in the world. Maternity pay is lower than the national living wage and the cost-of-living crisis is having an impact too.”
Currently, childcare costs an average of £263 a week and after- school clubs are £62 per week.
For Carrie Ann, who runs The Science Booth, a science entertainment company for kids, and whose husband Gary, 42, is a dog walker and animal portrait artist, having more children would not be affordable.
“We own a three-bedroom bungalow and one bedroom is used as our office,” she says.
“We’re not wealthy — we shop in Aldi and rarely go out. We’re Mr and Mrs Average, without any fancy cars, so we can make sure Roxy has everything she needs.
‘People imply it’s selfish’
“But she isn’t spoilt. She gets £3 pocket money a week and we don’t fork out on designer trainers or anything like that.
“The other day I walked into Roxy’s room and felt so happy because she’s got so much space.
“There’s plenty of room for her clothes, toys and books and she’s even got a television.
“It’s everything I would have dreamed of when I was younger. But if we added another child, they’d need bunk beds and there wouldn’t be room for two desks. And we couldn’t afford to move.”
People ask when we’re going to give Roxy a sibling and imply it’s selfish having an only child, which winds me up
Carrie Ann
Carrie Ann feels that mums like her are sometimes judged for only having one child.
“People ask when we’re going to give Roxy a sibling and imply it’s selfish having an only child, which winds me up,” she says.
“Roxy’s happy and would definitely miss out on many things if she had a sibling.
“At the moment she has keyboard and swimming lessons, and goes to Brownies and drama club.
“Altogether that costs around £600 a term.”
Carrie Ann also feels another child could disrupt their harmonious household. “We have very little stress,” she says.
“Roxy’s always been a good sleeper and never disturbs us, so we have plenty of time for each other. That means I don’t have that tired, haggard look that so many mums develop as they’re so exhausted.”
It’s not just financial pressure that is making women decide to stick with one child.
Rachel Luke, 35, from Gloucester, had planned on having two children when she married Richard, 36, who is in the RAF. But she changed her mind during her pregnancy with Grayson, now five.
Rachel, who runs an organic marketing company, says: “I was exhausted and remember thinking that if I fell pregnant again, I’d have to look after a toddler when I was this tired.
“Then when I had him, I felt such overwhelming love that I wanted to give him everything and not have to split it between two children.
“When Grayson was 11 months old he had a seizure and had to be in hospital for two days.
“We could both be at his bedside without worrying about who’d look after another child at home.
“We live miles away from family, but Grayson goes to stay with Richard’s parents for half of the holidays so we can concentrate on our careers.
“They wouldn’t cope with two.”
Having one child also allows the couple to indulge in their favourite hobbies.
“Richard loves miniature war games and I do aerial acrobatics and pole dancing,” she says. “The other day I did nine hours of acrobatics for a charity event.
“It’s very unlikely I’d be able to escape for that long with another child.
“Because I can do that and then rest, I don’t feel tired, so I think I’ve kept my youthful glow.”
“Equally, if Richard or I have had a hard day at work, one of us can rest while the other plays with Grayson, so we don’t get resentful and snappy with each other.”
Rachel also insists that having one child is the key to their successful relationship.
“After 12 years together we’re still sickeningly in love,” she says. “If Grayson’s away or at a party, then we have time to be Richard and Rachel. So our relationship thrives.”
After 12 years together we’re still sickeningly in love
Rachel
And while people often claim that “only children” are spoilt, Rachel says it’s simply not true.
“Grayson’s good at sharing. He’s not having things stolen from him all the time by a sibling, so he isn’t possessive,” she says.
“And I don’t care if people think I’m selfish – I’d rather be a fab mum of one than an average one of two.”
For Caroline Nicholson, 42, and her fiancé Lee Jones, 48, from South Shields, Tyne and Wear, work pressures and having their son later in life destroyed their dream of more kids.
Part-time teaching assistant Caroline, who is mum to Henry, three, says: “I always thought I’d have a big family, but we’ve come to terms with the fact Henry is our only one.
“Lee and I didn’t find each other until our mid-thirties, so our house purchase, having our child and getting married are all happening now.
“Weddings are expensive, especially if you’re juggling part-time work, a young child and rising interest rates.”
She and Lee, an accounting software expert, are among a growing number of parents who find themselves torn between having more children or surviving financially.
“I look around and see more and more mums with only one child and know I am not alone,” says Caroline. “It’s tragic that more couples like us only have one child.”
Caroline feels the deck is stacked against mums who are desperate to return to work.
“When women go back to full-time, especially in their mid to late-thirties, they find themselves playing catch-up with their career,” she says. “Lee and I need both our incomes to survive.
“There are times when people look at you oddly, too. They assume you can’t have any more children and that can lead to awkward conversations.
“But Lee and I are the face of so many families across Britain, whose life decisions, in 2024, mean we’ve had to accept we’re ‘one and done’.”
