Breaking free from the happiness trap
Maria seemed to have it all: a loving family, a successful career, and good health, yet she felt inexplicably unhappy. Seeking guidance, she turned to a life coach.
Her journey to fulfilment involved several key steps. She dedicated more time to her family, strengthening their bonds. In our first session, Maria revealed her discontent. We began with her relationships. Despite a supportive family, she realised she wasn’t fully present due to work. I suggested she created dedicated family time, leading to new traditions like weekend hikes and game nights, which when practiced started to strengthen their bond.
Next, we addressed her overwhelming workload by discussing it with her boss, achieving a healthier balance. Even though she was scared, she spoke her truth to her boss resulting in a supportive response and a healthier work-life balance.
Through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, she learned to embrace her feelings and focus on meaningful living. I introduced Maria to The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, which taught her to live a life aligned with her values rather than chasing constant happiness.
She shifted her motivation to activities that brought genuine joy, prioritised personal career goals, and set boundaries. Reflecting on her values, Maria saw she often sought external validation to escape feelings of inadequacy, and was not true to herself. She decided to refocus on activities that brought her true joy, like painting, rather than people pleasing and volunteering excessively in her children’s school events for approval.
Practicing mindfulness helped her accept emotions without judgment, and she learned to set realistic goals, embracing imperfection. She did not have to compare herself to social media, and even though she was overweight, Maria recognised how seeking approval led to stress and burnout. She shifted her focus to meaningful projects like keeping a healthy exercise routine and diet and set boundaries to maintain balance, finding more fulfilment in her life.
Through these changes, Maria began to experience deeper contentment and wellbeing.
Another activity that Maria found very useful was from the book The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels.
The Grateful Flow
The Grateful Flow is a tool designed to help shift focus from worry, self-hatred or negative thinking to a state of gratitude and positivity. By connecting to a higher force of gratefulness, negativity can be dissolved and a more positive outlook on life embraced. Follow these steps to practice The Grateful Flow:
List what you’re grateful for
Start by silently stating to yourself specific things in your life you’re grateful for. Focus on items you’d normally take for granted. Include both small and significant aspects of your life. You can also be grateful for bad things that aren’t happening. Go slowly and ensure you truly feel the gratefulness for each item. Avoid using the same items each time to create a slight strain and encourage fresh ideas.
Examples:
– I am grateful for my health
– I am grateful for the love and support of my family
– I am grateful for having a comfortable place to live
– I am grateful for the absence of any major accidents or illnesses in my life
Focus on the feeling of gratefulness
After listing the things you are grateful for, stop thinking and concentrate on the physical sensation of gratefulness. This sensation typically comes directly from your heart. Feel the energy of gratefulness flowing from your heart outward. This energy is what we call the Grateful Flow.
Connect to the source
As you continue to feel the energy of gratefulness emanating from your heart, notice how your chest softens and opens. In this open state, you will feel an overwhelming presence approaching you, filled with the power of infinite giving. This presence represents your connection to the Source. Embrace this connection and allow it to fill you with a profound sense of gratitude and positivity.
By regularly practicing The Grateful Flow, you can develop a habit of focusing on gratitude, which helps dissolve negative thoughts and promotes a positive, grateful mindset.
Through these efforts, Maria learned to let go of her need to control every aspect of her life and emotions. She became more accepting of herself and her experiences, leading to a deeper sense of peace and fulfilment. By embracing this new approach, Maria started to break free from external happiness and find a more sustainable path inside her to wellbeing.
Witnessing her journey from inexplicable unhappiness to genuine fulfilment reinforced my belief in the power of mindfulness, acceptance and intrinsic motivation. Her courage to address her struggles and make significant changes inspired me to reflect on my own practices and motivations. Was I spending too much time at work? Could I be more present in my family’s life? What could I do that could make me happier? Maria’s success not only validated the strategies we employed but also deepened my commitment to myself and helping others direct their paths to wellbeing and contentment.