Divorce advocates to lawmakers: Listen to us, not just research

As advocates fight for likely the world's last divorce bill, they say lawmakers must pay attention to stories of Filipino women and men who suffer in loveless marriages

MANILA, Philippines – Days before the 19th Congress reconvenes, advocates for the passage of the divorce bill in the Philippines gathered to call on lawmakers to listen to stories from Filipinos who need the measure, and not just rely on research.

In a “State of the Divorce Advocates Address” event organized by lobbying group Divorce for the Philippines Now and Gabriela Women’s Party on Wednesday, July 17, Filipino women in broken marriages told their stories about why they think divorce is the way to achieve happiness and freedom.

Advocate Lou Baltazar shared how she and her husband separated when they lost trust and respect for each other.

“My husband and I never fought in front of our children. If I did not separate from him, we might have reached a point where we did nothing but fight. I did not want that,” she said in a mix of English and Filipino.

“Sana naman ‘yung mga anti-divorce, pakinggan ninyo kami. Kami mismo, huwag ‘yung mga research-research ninyo kung saan-saan. Kasi unang-una, iba ‘yung kultura ng Pilipino sa kultura ng ibang bansa. Bakit ‘nyo ipaparehas ‘yung mga research ‘nyo sa mga nangyayari sa ibang bansa at sa nangyayari dito sa Pilipinas?” Baltazar said.

“Ito kami. Kami ang mga magpapatunay kung ano ba talaga [ang katotohanan]. Pakinggan ‘nyo ang mga istorya ng bawat isa sa amin,” she added.

(I wish the anti-divorce groups would listen to us. Those who are actually affected here, not just research from other sources. Because first of all, Filipino culture is different from that of other countries. Why would you compare your research on the situation in other countries to what is happening here in the Philippines? We’re right here. We can attest to what is really happening. Listen to the stories of each and every one of us.)

The Philippines is the last country in the world aside from the Vatican without an absolute divorce law. Some arguments from the anti-divorce lobby, many of whom are in the religious community, include how having divorce would ruin the sanctity of marriage, or would supposedly encourage married people to find other partners.

Grace Hornales, who recounted dealing with a spouse who used drugs, said she does not want a divorce to find a new partner, but to free herself from an unhealthy relationship.

“Ang hirap kayang lumabas, tapos magbabalik ka na naman?… Bonus na lang ‘yun, kung may mahanap ka talaga ng taong totoong magmamahal sa ‘yo. Sana mapasa ‘yung divorce [para] matanggal na ‘yung apelyido [niya] sa pagkatao ko,” said Hornales.

(It’s so difficult to leave, and then you’ll go back into a marriage? Finding someone who will truly love you is just a bonus. I want the divorce bill to be passed so I can be free from his last name.)

Shan Laurinaria, another advocate, spoke about having to be the breadwinner for her children even when her husband was a professional. He could provide for them but did not.

She wanted to try for an annulment, but she was afraid that she would get scammed like her friends, who shelled out P600,000 for nothing.

“Many people have died [in loveless marriages]. Should I wait until my time is up? The Lord is not like this. The Lord is kind,” Laurinaria said in Filipino.

While the House of Representatives has passed the divorce bill on third and final reading, the counterpart version in the Senate remains up for decision in the plenary.

President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. is set to deliver his third State of the Nation Address on Monday, July 22, the same day Congress reconvenes. The divorce bill was not included in his priority bills. – Rappler.com