Disney vs. Universal: The Ultimate Theme-Park Showdown
From hotels and booze to lines and Wi-Fi, it’s time to settle the score once and for all.
Disney and Universal have been in a cold war for tourist cash since the ’90s. Every time one company brings an innovation to the game, the other goes, “Uhhhhh, us too!” When Universal announced its first Orlando park, Disney tried to beat it with Hollywood Studios. When Universal did a Conan show, Disney rebutted with Fantasmic! Then the dragon caught fire.
But who is really winning the theme-park wars? Conventional wisdom says Disney is No. 1, but is that really the case? Disney parks are currently weathering bad press about their underwhelming space hotels and Marvel lands. Meanwhile, Universal is about to unveil a whole new park with a dedicated land for classic Universal Monsters. To come to grips with the contest, we need to break it down topic by topic. From food and hotels to lines and Wi-Fi (yes, it’s really that important), it’s time to settle the score once and for all. Halloween Horror Nights vs. Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween! Walt’s Scotch vs. Duff Beer! Clarabelle Cow vs. Frankenstein’s monster! Which theme reigns supreme?
Skip to: Hotels | Rides | Immersion and detail | Intellectual property | Food | Booze | Holidays | Shows and parades | Walk-around characters | Lore | Lines | Cost and value | Wi-Fi
Disney: Disney used to be the GOAT for themed hotels, with a different one for every vibe you could want. African safari? 19th-century boardwalk? One of those “spas” where women took “rest cures” that probably involved electroshock therapy? Disney World had all of these. But the latest hotels have been disappointing, and the rethemes have been disgraceful. The Incredibles retheme of the Contemporary hotel is such an HGTV, safety-over-style womp-womp of a redo. Why are you prepping a historic hotel for resale, Disney?
Universal: Vulture writer Rebecca Alter has gone on the record (on Slack) to name Universal Orlando’s Cabana Bay as her favorite hotel on earth. Like the redo of the Contemporary, it’s a throwback to mid-century modern design. But what Universal did differently — and I know this is radical for a theme park — is make it fun. It pops with color, and the surfaces are Googie curvalicious. Universal’s Hollywood hotels leave a lot to be desired, but at least one of them is the death site of Telly Savalas. That’s something! And Universal properties are priced like normal hotels. Even the cheap Disney hotels are priced like five-star hotels anywhere else. A Universal hotel is priced like a hotel that’s very conveniently located by a theme park — you know, the thing it is?
Winner: Universal. When in Orlando, visit the Disney resorts but stay at Universal.
Rides
Disney: Disney set itself apart from normal-ass amusement parks in the ’60s by introducing the world to audio animatronics, a.k.a. robots that talk, sing, and lecture you about the Civil War. Its beat is low-impact, highly detailed rides for the whole family.
Universal: Universal is for teens and tweens: real roller coasters, the constant threat of being sprayed with water, and a slightly ruder attitude. Plus screens, screens, and more screens!
Winner: A tie! Disney’s older rides wipe the floor with Universal’s, but Universal innovates more and cheaps out less than the Mouse nowadays. Just look at the VelociCoaster vs. the E-Ticket ride at the Avengers Campus. What’s that, they never built it? Bummer.
Immersion and Attention to Detail
Disney: Shoutout to the berm! Disney does a lot of work to make sure you can’t see Anaheim in Disneyland. It frames your gaze like you’re the movie camera, and the mise-en-scène is immaculate. Have you seen Radiator Springs at dusk? It will make you weep.
There’s also this one weirdly shaped tree in Frontierland. It’s really pointy at the top, and why? To block your sight lines of the Matterhorn. You can’t see the Swiss Alps in an Old West country town — that would be crazy. That’s the level of care Disney takes with everything. The amount of work it puts into preventing sound bleed between lands is impressive and has been documented on this podcast.
Universal: Unlike Disneyland, Universal Hollywood makes a feature of being smack-dab in the middle of North Hollywood. There’s a scenic overlook of Burbank on the Universal Starway. The gag is that you’re on a studio backlot — and you are! That’s the magic.
Speaking of sound bleed, there’s this quaint French courtyard in Universal Hollywood. It’s scenic, calm, and always full of available seating. It would be the perfect place to “work from home” except the damn Minions are always yelling at you. The background music for three different lands bleeds into that courtyard, and it’s better for engendering migraines in your enemies than anything else.
Winner: Disney
Intellectual Property
Disney: Besides its own princess properties, Disney has Marvel, Star Wars, and Avatar. Avatar land cute! Marvel land horrendously disappointing. It’s a business campus. Can you imagine a more exotic, exciting locale? Yes, you can. Everyone can.
Universal: Okay, let’s talk about its Marvel land! Marvel Superhero Island at Islands of Adventure is colorful, peppy, and has the X-Men. It’s stuck in ’90s comic-book Marvel, which is a much more fun vibe than the paramilitary dourness of the MCU. And it actually feels dangerous. On the Universal Spider-Man ride, you are personally menaced by Doc Ock. On the Disney Spider-Man ride, you are briefly onboarded by Tom Holland, then roped into cleaning up what can only be described as an infestation of robotic pubic lice. You are a super-janitor.
Winner: Universal
Food
Disney: Disney’s sit-down restaurants are genuinely good, but getting a table is a pain and a half. Disney also has classics like the corn dog and the Dole Whip, which are icons for a reason. But we have to talk about the “alien” food: In both Stars Wars and Avatar lands, “space” food is just Asian fusion. That being said, the vegan Ronto Wrap at Galaxy’s Edge is God’s perfect sandwich.
Universal: The Big Pink doughnut in Springfield will always be famous, but other than that, Universal’s food is underwhelming. There are some underrated options like the Minion ramen and Luigi’s chicken burger (best aioli in Los Angeles?). And we cannot forget Mythos, the “World’s Best Theme Park Restaurant,” according to that banner. But in general, this is the kind of theme-park food they would make fun of on Tiny Toons.
Winner: Disney
Booze
Disney: Disney is so weird about alcohol because of the Walt fetish the whole company carries. The rules about whether you can drink in a so-called Castle Park (Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom at WDW) are byzantine because “Walt didn’t want people drinking in his theme park.” Never mind that Walt built not one, not two, but three secret bars into Disneyland. All that said, the Disney tiki bars on both coats are S-tier and worth a visit even if you’re skipping the parks.
Universal: Drinking at Universal is de rigueur. I’m pretty sure Beetlejuice would ice you if given half the chance. And the bars are incredible: Moe’s, the Hog’s Head in Harry Potter World, and Isla Nubar in the Jurassic lands are day-drinking paradises.
Winner: Universal
Holidays
Disney: Few things are as magical as Main Street USA at Christmastime. Except maybe Cars Land at Halloween/Día de los Muertos. There’s an ofrenda for Doc Hudson — how cute is that? And the nightly fake snow in winter is a joy. But Disney paywalls most of its holiday stuff in separately ticketed events. If you want to celebrate Pride at Disney, it’ll set you back over $100.
Universal: Universal does not fuck around when it comes to Halloween. Halloween Horror Nights (especially in Orlando) set the standard for haunts across the globe. And Grinchmas is excellent counterprogramming for the more feel-good winter-holiday activities at other, less in-your-face theme parks.
Winner: Universal
Shows and Parades
Disney: Things haven’t been the same since the Fantasmic dragon caught fire (RIP). Things also haven’t been the same since the cast members started unionizing and the company shut down a bunch of performances.
Universal: The WaterWorld show — which delivers explosions, stunts, and a plane crash on the hour — has managed to outlive the movie that inspired it by decades. And now that Universal has started to move into the parade space (the Brody in the Jaws parade tries to get you to leave — how fun is that?), things are only looking up.
Winner: Universal
Walk-around Characters
Disney: “Cunty” Clarabelle Cow, the queer icon. Maleficent, the other queer icon. These girls are putting in the work. And if Chip and Dale’s third, Clarice, is in town, it’s over.
Universal: The edge Universal actors have over Disney cast members is that they can razz you. Frankenstein and the Bride are becoming a legendary double act; please go on TikTok to see their body of work. (Get it? Because they’re reanimated dead bodies.) Plus, there are these random New Yorkers who just yell at you from their apartment windows. Many an improviser has made this their day job, and we stan.
Winner: Tie!
Lore
Disney: Walt Walt Walt Walt. It’s all Walt, all the time. Walt’s chili, Walt’s special lamp, Walt’s frozen head. Walt’s favorite drink: Scotch over ice. There’s even an upcharge tour at Disneyland where you can walk in Walt’s steps. It’s weird seeing a saint canonized in real time, no?
Universal: Steven Spielberg is to Universal Orlando what Walt is to Disneyland except he’s still doing new stuff and can push back if Universal tries to release Steven’s chili. Universal used to have the Phantom of the Opera stage on the studio tour, but a working studio can preserve only so many throwbacks to its silent era. Oh, and Universal Hollywood is haunted as fuck (allegedly).
Winner: Disney
Lines
Disney: The Disney parks have been shafting their annual pass holders recently. It gets more expensive, you have to jump through more hoops even to renew, and the blackout dates are buckwild. In theory, this should make lines more manageable, right? Defunctland is laughing in your face right now. Walt Disney World’s interactive queues are fun in theory, but in practice, they mostly just try to get you to use their godforsaken app. A pox on every Disney theme-park app, I say!
Universal: Universal’s queues are less themed, but they make up for it a little by having televisions play park-specific content on a continuous loop. Plus, no app integration!
Winner: Universal
Cost and Value
First, some overall cost basics. Here’s what two days at a park and two nights at a hotel might cost one adult. I chose August 9–10 of this year, but if you plan your trip more in advance, the price would probably go down for all parks:
• Disneyland: $310 for a two-day ticket (one park per ticket), $710 for two nights at the Disneyland Hotel: $1,020 total
• Universal Hollywood: $199 for a two-day ticket, $364 for two nights at the Universal Hilton: $563 total
• Walt Disney World: Two-day ticket (one park per ticket) and two nights at the All-Star Sports Resort (worst hotel on the property): $683.19 total
• Universal Orlando: $298 for a two-day ticket (one park per ticket), $313 for two nights at Universal’s Endless Summer Resort — Dockside Inn and Suites (name too long, points docked!): $611 total
Disney: Theme-park heads used to speak of the “Disney difference.” Basically, yeah, Disney was more expensive than other vacations, but it was worth it because everyone worked so hard to make your experience magical and there were all sorts of deluxe perks. Now? Fans say even their disability accommodations have been massively scaled back.
Universal: My Universal Annual Pass monthly payment just went down. Wild shit.
Winner: Universal
Wi-Fi
Disney: Any Disney-park trip in 2024 is a battle with its Wi-Fi. To do even the simplest thing, like order food, you have to use Disney’s buggy-ass app. The parks have the spottiest Wi-Fi and cell reception you’ve ever encountered (I’ve gotten more bars in Death Valley) and very limited outlets to charge your poor overworked phone.
Universal: How good is Universal’s Wi-Fi? I’m using it right now to write this story. That’s right: This whole story has been composed in Cletus’ Chicken Shack, right next to Spider-Pig. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna get a Big Pink.
Winner: Universal
Overall Winner
• Disney wins: Immersion and detail, Food, Lore
• Universal wins: Hotels, Intellectual property, Booze, Holidays, Shows and parades, Lines, Cost and value, Wi-Fi
• Ties: Rides, Walk-around characters
Sorry, Walt’s ghost! Universal is where the heat is now.
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