Did an asparagus predict Joe Biden’s campaign car crash?

Move over Donald Trump – the next President of the United States will be a woman, a bundle of asparagus predicts.

Joe Biden gave aides only a minute’s notice last night before announcing that he’s quitting the campaign and stepping aside.

Not that he was in much danger of getting caught in the path of an oncoming Trump train, given how far behind he was in the polls.

It had been 10 months since Biden led his rival Donald Trump in the polls, and that was before growing speculation about his health killed any lingering chance.

Vice President Kamala Harris – yes, we’re certain, we double checked – is almost guarantee to gain the Democrat’s nomination for president in his place.

They might have finally copped on to Biden’s doomed fate, but even a vegetable knew his campaign was done.

It’s not even been a week since vegetable whisperer Jemima Packington, 67, gathered up her asparagus and dropped them on the floor.

Who will win the US presidential election, Donald Trump or Joe Biden, she asked them following a special request on Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 show on July 17.

‘I can tell you it’s neither of them’, Packington, the world’s only known ‘asparamancer’, said.

‘It’s a lady. Now, I keep on getting this. The next president of the United States is going to be a lady.’

The asparagus aren’t the only ones who seemed to see a Harris run on the horizon.

All the way back in August 2020, the internet’s self-described ‘most notorious healer’ decided this would be Harris’ year after her failed candidacy four years ago.

Starheal said: ‘Kamala Harris will be 60 in 4 years. I see her running for President in 2024 since this coincides with her Saturn return.’

That certainly seems to be coming true, although it remains to be seen whether Harris will actually win the presidency even if she is the Democratic nominee.

Packington and her asparagus’ last big prediction was that football would be coming home in the Euros 2024.

Obviously, it didn’t. Maybe democracy won’t be coming home for the Democrats.

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