We Hear Your Concerns: ClickHole HR Has Launched A Formal Investigation Into Whether Or Not The Site’s Writers Are On Drugs When They Come Up With This Shit

CHICAGO, IL (7/23/2024)—Today, the ClickHole Board Of Directors released the following statement in light of multiple allegations that the site’s writers are on drugs when they come up with this shit:

Over the course of the past several months, we have received a flood of anonymous tips from readers concerned about potential drug use among ClickHole writers, alleging that our staff members “just smoke weed all day and think of crazy shit,” or even more disturbingly, “are clearly on acid lmao.” Given these allegations, which we found in the comments of several of our social media accounts, we are opening a formal investigation into our writing staff’s use of drugs such as marijuana, psilocybin, lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), and the like. This investigation will include urine tests, blood tests, and increased supervision during work hours.

Upon accepting their positions, our writers pledged the Satirist’s Creed, thereby promising they’d never use psychoactive substances in the course of their coming up with humorous or satirical material. As a result, if any members of the staff are found to have written under the influence of illicit drugs while working at ClickHole—recently, or at any point during their tenure—their position will be terminated immediately.

We hear your complaints, and we take this matter very seriously. It is unacceptable that the site’s content makes the audience wonder “are u guys on crack” or even “how is someone paid to get fucked up and write this random stuff lol,” and we will not hesitate to employ compulsory measures including subpoenas if our writers are not immediately forthcoming regarding their substance use. We thank you for your continued readership and we assure you that this issue will be dealt with swiftly and comprehensively.