It’s About Damn Time: Boston Dynamic Engineers Just Unveiled A Man With A Real Job Who’s Gonna Treat You Right

Get ready to cheer, because the geniuses at one of America’s top engineering and design companies just achieved the scientific breakthrough of the century: Boston Dynamics engineers just unveiled a man with a real job who’s gonna treat you right.

It’s about damn time! After all the dead-end men in our lives, it’s good to know the people at Boston Dynamics finally brought us a winner!

According to a spokesperson for the company, some of the top engineers at Boston Dynamics just put their final touches on a grown-ass man who’s got a steady 9-5, takes responsibility for his life, and knows how to act his age (unlike most of the sorry-looking man-children walking around these days). The engineers reported that, after months of trial and error by their team, the man they have developed now understands how to put your needs before his own and treats a relationship like a real partnership—a feature that most experts in the field believed to be 20 or 30 years away.

“Thanks to the efforts of our engineering team, we’re thrilled to announce that this man is gonna make every day special for you so that you never doubt for a second that you’re the center of his world,” Boston Dynamics said in a press release posted on social media earlier today. “At long last, you’ll be able to get yourself a real man who gives you the tender loving care you deserve while holding down a solid job where he’s on track for a promotion and gets full benefits.”

Just when you think science can’t get any more awesome, an announcement like this comes along and proves you wrong. It’s only a matter of time before every home in America has a strong, capable man who pays the bills and treats you special all day and all night. Our minds are officially blown!