Dating was easier before I lost 150 lbs – men are more chivalrous now but I need to be on my guard and deleted the apps
A 35-YEAR-OLD singleton has revealed that dating has become harder since she transformed her physique with over 150 pounds of weight loss.
She shared the red flags that she now looks out for when trying to find a committed life partner.
New Yorker Sophia Roses has almost 31,000 subscribers on YouTube, where she shares her love of beauty and wellness.
Speaking to The U.S. Sun, she shared how undergoing Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery (VSG) has impacted her love life.
THROWING A CURVEBALL
Roses said she was “chubby” growing up and at her heaviest tipped scales at 297 pounds.
“Very early on, I was told to finish my plate and ‘don’t waste food,’” she said.
“So, as I went through my adolescence, I didn’t have a clear understanding of nutrition.
“I have always been curvy and developed sooner than most of my friends and at the time I thought, ‘Why don’t I look like my friends or like this celebrity from the magazine?’
“I am the oldest of four girls and being the curvier or fuller figure amongst my siblings, my mom tried her best to figure out how to dress my body.
“Looking back, my wardrobe was giving grandma vibes.”
STARTING TO DATE
Roses confessed that she lacked confidence throughout high school and waited until her 20s to start dating.
After getting her first job, she developed an interest in fashion and beauty.
I was told I ‘always had a pretty face,’ and if I was smaller, I would be perfect. Or, ‘You are pretty for a big girl.’
Sophia Roses
“Guys from my past in high school started to hit me up randomly asking me out on dates,” she said.
“Quickly, by the conversations I had with them, I realized that it was out of curiosity.
“I was told I ‘always had a pretty face,’ and if I was smaller, I would be perfect. Or, ‘You are pretty for a big girl.’”
She said the flood of “backhanded compliments” convinced her that she should try to meet someone who didn’t already know her.
However, online dating was a minefield of its own.
“I would chat with so many men but their intentions were very clear early on that a committed relationship was not what they wanted with me,” she said.
Sometimes I think back to myself at my heaviest and feel sorry for her.
Sophia Roses
“Going on dates was limiting because I wasn’t asked on dates often.
“It was a slow burn type of situation where I was in the talking stage and nothing really came out of it.
“It was easy for me to navigate dating, because of my weight, guys told me their intention quickly and I was always able to leave.”
SLIMMING SURGERY
Roses tried many diets before undergoing weight loss surgery but would always gain the weight back — plus more.
The 5-foot-2 flight attendant said she couldn’t walk without back pains and shortness of breath.
“I was miserable in my body and that showed in my face when people met me for the first time,” she said.
Years of crash dieting affected her metabolism and made it increasingly difficult to shed her excess pounds.
Men would do acts of chivalry like opening doors for me, getting flowers, holding out their hands to help me out of a car.
Sophia Roses
“I would casually look into weight loss surgery but I never thought I would have the courage to go through it,” she said.
Then she met an “amazing” bariatric surgeon, prayed for peace about the operation, and went ahead with the procedure in 2022.
“Adjusting to my new normal was very hard for me and mentally, I was somewhat depressed,” she admitted.
What is Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery (VSG)?
According to Healthline, vertical sleeve gastrectomy involves removing a part of the stomach to “permanently” reduce the amount of food that can be consumed at one time.
The popular bariatric surgery can also alter the hormones linked to hunger and metabolism.
“I was mourning food because my cravings did not go away and I could not eat normally.”
She was also nauseous all the time and had complications that landed her back in the hospital a month after surgery.
BACK ON THE MARKET
Roses, whose weight now fluctuates between 134 and 138 pounds, said she started dating four months post-op.
“I went into dating with a new outlook,” she said. “I was so guarded before and now that I was losing weight, I wanted to go into dating with no expectations.
“I felt like a new version of myself and I wanted to date to figure out what I really wanted.”
Roses said her dating options increased as she continued to lose weight with men of all ages, races, and builds making moves on her.
She also noticed that she attracted more “outgoing and nicer” men than when she had a fuller figure.
“I started getting compliments randomly from men,” she said.
“Men would do acts of chivalry like opening doors for me, getting flowers, holding out their hands to help me out of a car. And I also get stared at a lot as well.
Men online or on social media started to overly romanticize me vs. who I am in real life.
Sophia Roses
“I am a flight attendant, so I get a lot of help with my luggage. All of that I would seldom receive from men at my heaviest.
“Honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming at times because this is something I am not used to.
“Sometimes I think back to myself at my heaviest and feel sorry for her.”
HOPELESS ROMANTIC
Roses revealed that dating with a slender figure is hard because men act on their “best behavior” and are reluctant to reveal their intentions early on.
She said they “immediately” put in effort but as things progress it lessens, whereas when she was bigger they would show minimum effort from the beginning.
“I’ve also noticed that some men’s insecurities are pretty evident,” she said.
“I dated a guy for about 10 months and thought everything was going great.
“But, as I kept losing weight, getting more attention and opportunities because of my newfound confidence, he said ‘I should find someone better off in life.’
“Those were his exact words to me: ‘But we can continue to hang out.’ That was a first for me.”
She’s now cautious of how she meets men and has “retired” from dating apps.
DON’T DM ME
She’s also not responding to anyone who “slides in the DMs” on Instagram.
“I noticed that men online or on social media start to overly romanticize me vs who I am in real life,” she said.
“So, I tend to not give out my social media or meet men online.
Losing weight at the beginning is one thing but keeping it off is another battle.
Sophia Roses
“Another red flag in dating is a man who talks about sex or anything sexual in the beginning.
“He is for sure telling on himself of what he wants and that he is not looking for anything serious.”
Roses said another “major red flag” when dating is men who don’t have a “clear direction” in their life.
She said men who are always changing their “actions, words, or moods,” aren’t dependable and “too immature” to have a committed relationship.
WORK IN PROGRESS
Roses said losing weight has given her the confidence not to live in her friends’ “shadow” or expect to be overlooked.
She’s no longer afraid to start conversations and chase opportunities.
But, she warns that surgery isn’t a “quick fix” for overhauling your life.
“Losing weight at the beginning is one thing but keeping it off is another battle,” she said.
“I will be two years post-op on July 20th, 2024, and maintaining the weight I lost is not easy.
“VSG is a tool and everything that I learn from having VSG I continue to apply moving forward in maintaining my weight.
“Going to therapy really helps address my issues with food and the reasons or causes of why I binge eat.
“Because I am doing the inner work, maintaining my weight is more manageable.
“I look at working out as something that is part of my daily routine instead of something I have to do to lose weight.
“I want to eat healthy now because I prefer it. I am not perfect but I can say my lifestyle is completely different than before.”
