I Threw Myself a Divorce Party
I started dating my now ex-husband when I was in university. We met when I was 20 and were together until I was 33—nine of those years married. I was heartbroken when the relationship didn’t work out. We separated in April of 2023 and got lawyers to iron out an agreement. We don’t have children so there wasn’t much to fight over, other than a very nice blender. I spent the next year mourning the relationship. I cried a lot, started therapy and spent time with friends. Now I realize the breakup was for the best. I think we’re fundamentally incompatible and that we’ll be happier apart, but it doesn’t make our split any less painful. After a year of separation, we filed for a no-contest divorce.
As my ninth and final wedding anniversary approached, I wanted to celebrate this next chapter in my life. I originally planned a winery weekend, which my ex and I did for our anniversary every year. But my mom suggested that I do something different. And so instead I planned a party at my place—a divorce party. Luckily, one of my best friends is an event planner. I sent a save-the-date to my friends months in advance; a lot of them have young kids, so I wanted to get that day on their radar. To me, the divorce party was about reclaiming control of my life and defining how I wanted to live going forward. The theme I came up with was “Marlies’ New Beginning.”
When I told my friends and family that I was going to have a divorce party, reaction was split. Some firmly believed that divorce should not be cause for celebration. But others thought that a party would be a great way to put a positive spin on a negative situation. My mom was conflicted. She asked, “Are you saying it’s a divorce celebration?” I told her that I didn’t necessarily see it as celebrating divorce, but commemorating a new journey in my life. I take marriage very seriously. I was in one for years, and I wanted it to work out. It didn’t, but a sad situation doesn’t have to mean crying in my PJ’s. I am choosing to move on in a positive, open way.
On the night of the party last March, there was a big snowstorm. About 20 friends and family came out, and we had a great time. I ordered a charcuterie board and got decorations off Etsy—napkins that read “End of an Error,” custom wine labelled “Smells Like Freshly Signed Divorce Papers” and a banner that said, “And she lived happily ever after.” We commonly associate “happily ever after” with romance, but it can also just be associated with a good life. I wore a sash that said “Hot Ex-Wife” and hired a bartender from Butlers in the Buff—I had him wear underwear beneath his apron because I didn’t want to give my parents a heart attack. He brought a few games, too. There was a spin on ‘Pin the Tail on the Donkey’ called ‘Take the Bandaid Off the Bartender.’ Everyone at the party got to stick a bandaid on the bartender and I had to find them all while blindfolded. A lot of friends wrote me cards to let me know how special I am, and it felt incredible to be surrounded by the people I love during a difficult time.
The party was a symbolic reminder that my marriage was over and that brought me peace. It reminded me how strong my personal relationships are, and that I have the strength to move on just fine. Even my mom, who was hesitant in the beginning, had a great time. I told my ex about the party in advance, but when some of the pictures came out, he still found it a little hurtful. I get it—but for the most part we’ve stayed respectful of one another.
Whether we like it or not, divorces are on the rise. Almost 41 per cent of first marriages end in divorce, and that number goes up for second marriages; third marriages have even higher divorce rates. People don’t seem to get better at this, which I find discouraging. There are a ton of reasons why: people have more economic agency so they don’t need to stay in marriages that aren’t working, and people are living longer and want to spend their time in more intentional ways. It’s much more common to celebrate the start of a relationship than the end, but I think we need to get better at celebrating all the milestones in life. A party is about being with the people you love, under both good or bad circumstances.
I’m beginning a new era. My friends have noticed that I’m happier these days. I’ve also started working out several times a week with a trainer, which helps my mood significantly. I’m not dating at the moment; instead I’m choosing to find joy by myself. If there’s anything I learned through this heartache, it’s to invest in great friendships, because friends and family are really the ones who will get you through tough times.
—As told to Isabel B. Slone