JD Vance Won’t Escape the Couch Allegations
Donald Trump’s running mate did not make love with a love seat (we think?).
Everyone remembers their first time: a first love, a one night stand, maybe even an apple pie. However, according to social media, Donald Trump’s vice presidential pick, JD Vance, had a memorable fling with one of his roommates— a couch in his Appalachian home growing up. It was a joke tweet that went a little too viral, and now no one is willing to confirm the big question of the moment: Did JD Vance actually fuck his couch or not?
How did the relationship rumors start?
Last week, Twitter (Okay, X…) user @rickrudescalves posted, “can’t say for sure but he might be the first vp pick to have admitted in a ny times bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions (vance, ???????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????, pp. 179-181).” And since most people don’t have a copy of Hillbilly Elegy on hand, they didn’t have a way to verify (maybe people just watched the movie.) They also could’ve read the tweet and felt it was probable enough to believe, or more realistically, they realized they had to worry about bigger things like President Joe Biden dropping out of the race. Either way, JD Vance did not have sexual relations with that couch, at least not in the book and none that anyone else can prove as fact.
Why can’t outlets firmly deny the couch allegations?
One tried and deleted the article. Associated Press posted a piece titled, “No, JD Vance Did Not Have Sex With a Couch,” getting straight to the point. But it did not last very long as it was eventually retracted. AP confirmed to Semafor reporter Max Tani that the article was removed as “this story didn’t go through the wire service’s standard editing process.” Or, as one X user speculated, AP couldn’t confirm that JD Vance has never, ever in his life had sex with a couch. Or if the couch was velvet, leather, polyester, a love seat, a sectional…
You mentioned memes?
Yep, social media was stuffed with ‘em.
“three tickets for challengers, please” pic.twitter.com/9YjRQqjqYf
— Jared Gilman (@realJaredGilman) July 25, 2024
I don’t really care what JD Vance did it didn’t do. I just hope it was a committed relationship with furniture and not one nightstand.
— Dan Wade (@Dwade) July 25, 2024
we cannot let JD Vance near the oval office pic.twitter.com/aKEAnaoLBB
— Amy A (@lolennui) July 24, 2024
when you let jd vance housesit pic.twitter.com/VswzF48oWT
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) July 25, 2024
“I want to really feel you tho” - jd vance pic.twitter.com/NBT4nl48fR
— Desus MF Nice???? (@desusnice) July 25, 2024
Last one…I promise. pic.twitter.com/6yIm1m7WqX
— Meacham ???? ???? (@MeachamDr) July 22, 2024
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