Harriette Cole: I’m 30, and my boyfriend’s cheating derailed my life plan
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years because he cheated on me, and now I find myself single at 30. I couldn’t feel worse about the situation.
I always imagined that by this age, I would at least be married or well on my way to building a family.
This breakup has left me feeling devastated, lost and uncertain about my future. The societal pressure and my own expectations have made this period even more challenging.
I’m constantly worried about my ticking biological clock and the fear that I may not find someone else in time to have the family I always dreamed of. I’m also grappling with feelings of failure and disappointment in myself for not being where I thought I would be in life.
I’m trying to stay positive and focus on the opportunities this new chapter might bring, but it’s hard to see past the immediate pain and anxiety. How can I cope with these feelings of sadness and disappointment?
— What’s Next
DEAR WHAT’S NEXT: Pivoting from a failed relationship is difficult — especially when your vision of your life has been shattered.
Do your best not to fret, though. You are still young, and there’s a whole world out there.
Remind yourself of what you want in a relationship. Who is your ideal partner? What life do you want for yourself? As you go about your daily life, pay attention to others and notice people who share your worldview. It is not too late to find a partner.
Have faith that your match is out there. Live your life doing what you love, and keep your eyes open. If you need a bridge of support, seek therapy to help you work through the pain of your past relationship and set you up for what’s next.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling really hurt and confused about a situation with a close friend of mine.
We were close before we both moved to new cities. Since then, I’ve noticed that my friend never returns my calls or texts anymore.
I’ve tried reaching out multiple times, leaving voicemails, sending texts and writing emails, but I rarely get a response. When I do hear back, it’s often brief and doesn’t lead to any meaningful conversation.
This has left me feeling abandoned and wondering if I’ve done something wrong.
I understand that moving to a new city can be overwhelming and that people get busy with their new lives, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being shut out. Our friendship was very important to me, and I’m struggling with the lack of communication and the emotional distance that seems to have grown between us.
Should I keep trying to reach out, or is it better to give my friend space and hope she comes around?
— Alienated
DEAR ALIENATED: Stop chasing your friend.
Of course it hurts that she seems to have abandoned you, but your efforts are not yielding the desired results, so it is time to stop.
Focus on building your life where you are. Look around and notice people and activities that interest you, and work to plant seeds where you are.
Over time, you and your friend may rekindle your bond, but now is the time to pay attention to yourself. Some relationships last a lifetime; others last for a season. Only time will tell how long this one will last.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.