Vagice Cream

As someone who came out after age 50, I wrote an article during Pride month “Live Laugh Late Life Lesbians.” A recent article in the New York Times explores the statistical rise in women coming out of the closet after having been married to men and raising children and the ways in which social media have helped women navigate this transition.

Featured in the article are Stephanie Allynne and her wife Tig Notaro, who co-directed the film Am I OK?, a film starring Dakota Johnson as a thirtysomething who comes out as a lesbian. I just saw it and have a few thoughts.

The Times reviewed the film, including the unfortunate: “She has built herself a comfortable box to live in, as long as nothing changes. Her box is about to cave in.” Quick question: how straight do you have to be to write a lesbian film review that includes the phrase “her box is about to cave in,” and how many of your queer colleagues at the Times stopped by your desk to give you shit about it? I hope a lot.

I appreciate that the script is the semi-autobiographical product of screenwriter Lauren Pomerantz, and that a lesbian power couple gives the film authentic moments, so for the most part I enjoyed it. Johnson’s performance as Lucy is worth seeing as she navigates the coming-out process, but while I don’t wholeheartedly agree with a review stating the film should’ve been a “forgettable Netflix movie,” I think it’s somewhere between there and the glowing Times review.

I read a bunch of critiques and couldn’t find even one saying what I was thinking while watching, so I’ll say it. The film is focused on the best-friend relationship between Fanning’s character Lucy and her best friend Jane. Jane’s moving overseas for work, and has mixed feelings about it. Lucy and Jane discuss this while in bed one night. They also have a screaming fight about it which results in their separation for part of the film, longing looks staring at their contact screens on phones missing each other; Jane breaks up with her boyfriend.

It's Jane who earlier offers dating advice, saying: “You try 20 different scoops of ice cream before you settle on a single scoop. Do that.” And Lucy responds: “Ice cream is different than a vagina. Otherwise it would be called vagice-cream.” We laugh.

Earlier, when they go to a lesbian bar, it’s “straight” Jane (dressed in what would normally be considered lesbian chic) who not only makes out with a girl, but we find out has done so in the past. I don’t have gaydar and believe queer is a spectrum everyone is on from 1-99 percent. But especially after Lucy’s first brief baby-gay interaction ends and it’s revealed that she’s following Jane overseas because they need each other and can’t be apart, rainbow-color me shocked when the conclusion wasn’t a dramatic airport realization that they need each other in all the ways which is why they can’t be apart. I was asking, “When is Jane coming out too?” since she's been gayer the whole time.

I was shocked the film ended, wondering if there’d be a London sequel where we see them cozy in bed with tea and scones, naked. I thought that was what the directors had been setting up since Jane practically bullied Lucy into making out with a chick. Anyway, there’s no way I was the only one who thought this, couldn’t find a validating review (though I'm a hopeless romantic); but in a straight film, she would’ve gotten her man, so she should’ve gotten her girl in the same romantic fashion.