My wife’s revenge sex has ruined our marriage
DEAR DEIDRE: My wife had meaningless sex with a man she met on a girl’s night out because she wanted revenge.
She was convinced I’d cheated on her so she decided to get even. The worst part is, that I never strayed in the first place.
And now I know only too well, there is no such thing as meaningless sex!
She jumped to the wrong conclusion after I visited my ex to pick up some belongings. At the time she was convinced I had sex at the same time. No amount of talking seemed to reassure her.
So apparently in a moment of hurt and anger, she decided to even the score and had a one night stand.
I’m 45 and she’s 40.
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This all happened ten years ago but I really don’t know if I’ll be able to move on.
She kept this secret for nearly a decade, but the guilt finally got to her, and she confessed everything to me last week.
I’m absolutely devastated. I’ve been nothing but faithful to her all these years, and her lack of trust and betrayal are a punch to the gut.
She apologised and says she doesn’t feel anything for the man she slept with.
She insists she loves me and wants to move forward, but I’m struggling to process it all.
A decade of deceit is hard to swallow, and I’m not sure how to rebuild our relationship when it’s this broken.
I can’t understand how she’d stoop so low and have sex with someone purely to spite me.
For now, I’ve asked her to leave. I won’t have her in our home.
Figuring out how to move on feels impossible. I don’t know how a relationship can survive this kind of betrayal after so many years.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a significant betrayal.
Your partner’s confession, though late, might be her attempt to clear her conscience and seek a more honest relationship.
Or she was projecting her poor behaviour onto you by claiming you had cheated first.
You both need to decide if you genuinely want to make things work.
If so, couples counselling can help you navigate the complex emotions and rebuild trust.
Remember, it’s OK to take your time to process everything and decide what’s best for your future, even if that doesn’t include her.
If you decide to make a go of things, my support packs Cheating And Can You Get Over It? and How Counselling Can Help will support you.