Larry Wilson: Southwest Airlines, why ever change?

The fun flying version of a Greyhound bus

The Southwest Airlines gate agent at Burbank’s A4 early Thursday morning, when I inquired about customer reaction to the company’s announcement that it would soon end its famous free-for-all open-seating policy in favor of assigned seats, quickly went on the defensive.

“Don’t blame me!” she said. “I didn’t make the call! I had nothing to do with it! Not my job!”

No, no, I tried to say soothingly, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I just wondered what people were saying.

“Well, they sure the heck want to talk about it!” she said. “And it’s not on me!”

No, it isn’t, I reassured her. Then I told her that just about my favorite moment in aviation is being able to amble out onto the tarmac at BUR rather than queuing in a jetway and then walking up the aft stairs in hopes of snagging one in an empty row of seats way in the back of the plane and hoping no one makes it down the aisle to take the other two. Or at least that one of the three seats stays open. (I have no real idea if an old saw I heard from my stepfather is true: That the backs of big airliners are safer than the front in case of accident. I mean, he wasn’t a crash investigator. Or even an airline pilot. Though he was a licensed glider pilot, and had been in NASA astronaut training.) I lamented that maybe when they build the new terminal, the tarmac walk would be disallowed, and the back stairway would disappear.

“Oh, no,” she said. “I think they’ll still have that.”

“But not the open seating.”

“No.”

When it comes to Southwest, the only airline left with something of an idiosyncratic personality to distinguish it from AmerDeltUnite, the cattle-call seating has been a key part of the brand. If perhaps not as beloved as the bags-fly-free policy, in the sense that it doesn’t save us money directly, it’s been a sweet quirk.

Money directly does appear to be the reason for eliminating open seating. Once it makes us pick out our seats online when we book our tickets, just like every other airline does, it can start charging more for premium seats, whatever those may be determined to be.

Bulkheads. Extra leg room. Video screens, oh cheapskate Southwest? Or are you even perhaps considering, shudder, creating a business class up front, so that the worthies among us can pay thousands of dollars more to travel the same distance for the privilege of really spacious seats, early boarding and a glass of Champagne?

Then what’s the difference between Southwest, the fun flying version of a Greyhound bus, and every other airline in the world?

I mean, what’s next — stopping the endearing, barmaid-sexy patter of the flight attendants’ PA announcements? The bad cocktail-napkins puns? Adding a variety of airplanes willy-nilly to the mix rather than knowing that whether you are flying to San Diego or New York City, you’re going to do it in a Boeing 737? Losing that feeling that when you fly Southwest you’re part of a team effort rather than a hierarchical one, that the captain is no better than the ground crew?

Because when you fly Southwest today, no one is seated in steerage as opposed to First Class, since we’re all in steerage together. No one has to do that walk of shame past the oligarchs with their sparkling wine, and you know, actual blankets and pillows. Since they don’t serve food to anyone, beyond the little pretzel packet, everyone’s travel experience is the same.

And, pretty please, oh lords of Love Field, don’t tell us that we’re also about to lose your flexible fiscal policies that allow last-minute cancellations and changes to be easily applied to any future flight. That makes us want to fly with you more.

Be like a high school friend: Don’t ever change.

Larry Wilson is on the Southern California News Group editorial board. lwilson@scng.com.