Imposter syndrome is ruining my life

DEAR DEIDRE: I’m a woman of 34 and I’m really struggling with impostor syndrome. The feeling that I’m not good enough has been a problem for me since I was a child.

It started when my school pushed me to go to university but my parents always felt it was “too posh” for our family. I have always had self-doubt.

I did go, I graduated and now I work for a bank. I’ve had two big promotions but both times, I’ve had to be persuaded to accept them. There’s a constant negative voice in my head telling me I’m going to get found out.

I’m sometimes overruled in meetings. Although I speak up, I always think others have a more valid argument and give in to them. I know I am not a complete idiot but I don’t have any faith in myself.

I’d like to move forward feeling positive rather than always overthinking everything and worrying I can’t rise to the challenge.

DEIDRE SAYS: People who have imposter syndrome don’t feel worthy but constantly strive for perfection.

The irony is that you will be a high-achieving and intelligent individual but you feel that you don’t belong in any given situation.

Your parents haven’t helped – you’ve always felt undermined.

Try to counteract your need for perfection by creating a quick email to a colleague without checking. Press send. What happens then? Does the world come crashing down or do you still get the message across?

All human beings have weaknesses but we have strengths too. Focus on that.

Ask a good colleague who attends your meetings with you about which parts were good when you spoke up, rather than focussing on what went wrong. Write these positive things down.

Stressillient is a great pocket-sized science based book by Dr Sam Akbar and includes some fantastic coping strategies. 

In time you’ll start to believe in yourself and realise that you are strong and worthy and you can add value to your workplace.