‘I go and cry in my room… I have nightmares & flashbacks’ reveals Freddie Flintoff as he opens up on crash recovery
FREDDIE Flintoff has broken his silence on the anxiety, nightmares and flashbacks he has suffered since his horror Top Gear crash.
Speaking for the first time since the horrific accident two years ago, the cricketer-turned-presenter has told how he still feels compelled to leave social situations to burst into tears alone.
But as the Ashes hero, 46, resumes his TV career with his new BBC One show, Field of Dreams On Tour, he says he’s determined to make the most of his second chance at life.
The four-parter, which starts next Tuesday, sees Freddie open up to fellow cricketer Kyle Hogg, admitting he thought he could recover within 12 weeks of the crash in December 2022.
Talking from his kitchen during his recovery, Freddie tells Kyle: “I find myself over the years in situations which I’m never quite sure I can get through, and that’s how I’m feeling in a small way about it.
“There’ll be times when I take myself off and you won’t see me for half an hour. I’ll go cry in my room and come back.”
“I thought I could just shake it off. I wanted to just shake it off and say: ‘I’m alright’ But it’s not been a case of that. It’s been a lot harder than I thought.
“As much as I’ve wanted to go out and do things I’ve just not been able to.
“You’ve got to try to put it in perspective and I feel guilty I can’t do that. I don’t want to sit in here feeling sorry for myself. And I don’t want sympathy.
“Everywhere I go at the minute I’ve got a full face mask and glasses on – I can’t do that.
“I struggle with anxiety, you know I have nightmares, flashbacks, – it’s been so hard to cope with. But I’m thinking if I don’t do something I’m never going to go. I’ve got to get on with it.”
Freddie is seen facing his fears in a heartbreaking scene in scene in the documentary where he makes a video of him speaking where his facial wounds are weeks old.
His many stitches are on show, he has a large dressing on his cheek, and when Freddie speaks his familiar Lancashire voice is distorted by his swollen lips and broken nose.
He adds: “I genuinely should not be here after what happened. It’s going to be a long road back and I’ve only just started.
“I’ve got to look at the positives, I’ve got another chance, and I’m going to go at it. I’m seeing that as how it is – a second go.”
Freddie had to be airlifted to hospital following the accident at Dunsfold Park Aerodrome, Surrey, as he filmed an episode of Top Gear with co-stars Paddy McGuinness and Chris Harris.
I’m not better than I was, I don’t know what completely better is.
Freddie Flintoff
The three-wheel roadster he was driving flipped, leaving him with substantial facial lacerations, broken bones and damage to his teeth.
Later in the doc he talks about doing Field of Dreams On Tour, which sees him revisit the same group of lads he corralled in the first series, Field of Dreams, which aired in 2022.
That saw him attempt to transform them into a cricket team. The sequel sees him take them to India, a country where the local people are fanatical about the sport.
When Freddie eventually sees the lads again back in Preston they all throw their arms round him and tell him how much he’s been missed.
One of them asks if he feels 100 per cent and he replies: “Not really, I don’t know if I will again to be honest. I’m better than I was…I don’t know what completely better is.”
The trepidation intensified when Freddie and the boys arrive in the magical mayhem that is modern day Kolkata – a year later than they planned.
He said: “My anxiety coming here had been through the roof.”
But within a few days of being in India, Freddie seems to forget some of the pain of the past two years and submerge himself in the sport that’s restored his happiness and confidence.
With his wounds largely healed and his voice returned to normal, he’s seen smiling as he picks up a bat to play with his fledgling team against the more experienced locals in the city.
Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams on Tour is on BBC One and iPlayer from next Tuesday, August 13, at 9pm.
