My father’s reaction to a childhood trauma is haunting me

DEAR DEIDRE: Memories of nearly drowning as a child still haunt me to this day.

I can still feel the water filling my nose, mouth and ears, and the sensation of sinking to the bottom of the swimming pool – and the dread fear. I frequently have nightmares about it.

I’m a 42-year-old man now, and the incident happened when I was six.

I was on holiday with my family when I got into trouble in the hotel pool. My rubber ring deflated, and I was saved by a man, who dragged me out of the pool.

But my father reacted angrily, acting as if it was my own fault. He hit me and sent me to bed without supper.

All these years later, I am still traumatised – as much by his reaction as by nearly dying.

I can’t understand how he could have been so cruel.

I’ve had some counselling, but it hasn’t helped.

It feels like what happened has ruined my life. How can I get over it?

DEIDRE SAYS: You suffered a terrifying ordeal, and your father’s reaction was shocking.

He should have been there to console and protect you. Instead he compounded your trauma.

Perhaps he was angry that he hadn’t saved you himself. Or he might have been so scared that he reacted with inappropriate anger.

But there are people who can help you deal with this, even so many years later.

For specialist PTSD support, contact Assist Trauma Care (assisttraumacare.org.uk, tel: 01788 551919).