Why can’t I keep erection when I have sex with my partner?
DEAR DEIDRE: Whenever I try to have sex with my partner, I lose my erection, and I think porn is to blame.
I secretly watch a lot of it and I don’t seem to be able to stop.
I’m 34 and my partner is 32. We’ve been together for three years.
Sex never used to be a problem. At the start of our relationship, we did it multiple times a week – sometimes several times a day – and I had no trouble performing.
But after about 18 months, our sex life got stale. Instead of trying to work it out with her, I started watching more porn to get my thrills.
For a while, it helped – I was so turned on by what I saw that our sex life improved.
But over the past few months, it’s had the opposite effect.
I’m watching more and more extreme videos – things I’d never dream of asking my partner to do – and normal sex doesn’t excite me anymore.
The result is, when we’re in bed, I go soft almost right away.
Please help.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Porn sites are designed to hook you. Watching too much can blunt your natural sexual appetite and desensitise you.
It also makes you too reliant on your own touch – rather than your partner’s.
Be honest with her about this, and say you’re seeking help.
My support pack, Pornography Worry, shows you where to go for this.
Take sex off the table for a while and focus on kissing, cuddling and massaging each other.
You may find your erections come back spontaneously.
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