How to Get Your Partner to Stop Snoring

We’ve all been there: You’re snug in bed, moments away from drifting off, only to be jolted back into a state of annoyed wakefulness by a loud, persistent sound coming from the other side of the bed.

Snoring is a pervasive problem, with around 40% of men and 30% of women sawing logs at least some nights of the week, according to the Sleep Health Foundation. And while it can be linked to a variety of health risks in those who are affected, snoring also takes a toll on bed partners who struggle to get some shuteye in the midst of a cacophony of snorts and rumbles.

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When chronic snorers seek a doctor’s help, it is usually at the urging of their partner, says Dr. Megan Durr, associate professor in the department of otolaryngology, head and neck surgery at the University of California, San Francisco. “I see so many patients that are ending up in different bedrooms than their partners, which is impacting their relationship and just their quality of life,” Durr says.

The good news is that she and other experts say that people can take a number of steps to help reduce or even eliminate snoring from their—and their partners’—nighttime routine, ranging from lifestyle changes to surgical interventions in more extreme cases.

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When we sleep, the muscles at the back of the throat relax. Some people, such as those who are older or overweight, are more likely to have tissue that relaxes too much, or to have excess tissue in their throat, which can cause their airway to narrow too much during sleep. When the person breathes, the loosened throat muscles and smaller airway lead to vibrations that cause the unmistakable snoring sound. While it can be harmless, snoring can also be a sign of a more serious condition called sleep apnea, which is why many physicians urge people to visit a sleep medicine specialist if they’re worried about snoring. 

While it can happen to anyone, snoring is more common as people age. If people are carrying extra weight or have consumed alcohol, the effects of snoring tend to get worse, says Dr. Michael Howell, division director of sleep medicine at the University of Minnesota Medical School.

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People who are overweight or obese can experience more compression on their airway due to the extra pounds they are carrying, which is why it can cause snoring or make an existing problem worse. Losing weight is one of the first interventions physicians turn to when a patient seeks help with snoring because it can be highly effective at getting the problem under control, Howell says. “Even five or 10 pounds can make a difference,” he says.

Cutting out alcohol is also another potential solution. Alcohol can make the muscles at the back of the throat even more relaxed, so it “tends to worsen sleep apnea and snoring,” says Dr. Virginia Skiba, a sleep medicine physician at Henry Ford Health in Detroit.

Change your sleep position

If your partner snores, a simple yet effective solution could be finding a way to help them sleep on their front or their side. Back sleeping, especially if a person is lying flat, is known to worsen the effects of snoring, Skiba says, so some people find success with foam wedges or similar products to prevent rolling onto their backs. Being proposed up with pillows can also help, she says.

While there are sleep vests and other similar products on the market designed to keep people from rolling onto their backs during sleep, Durr has developed a DIY solution for her patients. She advises them to find or buy a T-shirt with a front pocket and place a tennis ball inside, securing it with a safety pin. The person who snores puts the T-shirt on backwards when they go to sleep, and it automatically keeps them from rolling onto their back during sleep.

“The ball kind of pokes you into your back, and then it will shift you to your side,” she says. “So it’s not waking your bed partner up, hopefully.”

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Durr says there are other things people can try before they go the more drastic route of sleeping in a separate room from their noisy partner, such as using a white noise machine or wearing ear plugs.

“But a lot of this ends up being on the snorer,” she says. “They end up bearing the brunt of trying to fix this for their bed partner.”

CPAP and surgery

In some cases, snoring is a sign of a more serious condition called sleep apnea, which occurs when people momentarily stop breathing when they are asleep. This can lead to fatigue, irritability, and grogginess the next day and, over time, increase a person’s risk of cardiovascular disease and other health problems.

For a person to figure out if they have sleep apnea, they must undergo a sleep study, during which they are monitored overnight to identify changes in breathing, heart rate, oxygen levels and other health measures. Sleep studies are typically done in a clinic, but can be performed at home. Howell says a diagnosis isn’t necessary for a person to start using a CPAP machine or other therapies, but it is important for doctors and patients to know if snoring is caused by sleep apnea.“Sleep apnea is hugely underdiagnosed,” he says.

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There are several available treatments for sleep apnea. One of the first treatments doctors will often recommend is an orthodontic device called a mandibular advancement device that can help prop open a person’s airway when they are sleeping, according to Howell.

A continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine is another tried-and-true sleep apnea aid that essentially cures snoring by ensuring a person’s airway is fully open, says Durr. But it can be a lot for some people and their partners to adjust to, and many people simply find it too difficult to tolerate, she says. CPAP machines are notoriously noisy, which can be disruptive to those wearing it as well as their bed partners, and many people find the mask too uncomfortable or wake up with a very dry mouth.

Although it is fairly rare, some patients with severe snoring problems who have had little success with lifestyle changes or other treatments may require surgery to deal with their snoring, such as a minor procedure to remove some of the elongated tissue from the back of their throat, Durr says. But she says in most instances, it doesn’t take such extreme measures for people to enjoy a relatively quiet night in bed.

“The vast majority of people will get the snoring volume to a level that’s acceptable to them and their bed partner by doing some of the lifestyle things,” she says.