I was crippled by my £39k debt so moved a man in with my husband & kids to help pay the bills – & I’m sleeping with him
A MUM has revealed living with her husband and boyfriend was the “only way” they could afford to buy a house.
Jennifer Martin, 36, and her husband Daniel, 36, had previously struggled with their finances and had $50,000 of student debt between them.
The couple – who have two children together aged 11 and 13 – decided to try polyamory nine years ago.
Jennifer, who is polyamorous, began dating Ty Simpson, 34, a process manager at a bank, six years ago and the family all moved in to a rented a house together initially.
They couldn’t be happier and Jennifer says they decided to pool their finances which finally enabled them to buy a four-bedroom, three-bathroom house for $325k.
Jennifer, a writer, living in Richmond, Virginia, US, said: “I don’t think it would’ve happened without three incomes.
“I don’t even know if Daniel and I would’ve been able to buy a house otherwise – period.”
Although Ty didn’t initially move in with the pair for financial reasons, the mum admitted it ended up being a huge help.
“It’s changed my life,” she said.
Daniel, a school teacher, said: “Finances are less of a worry since we all combined our incomes.
“I enjoy the freedom that we all have together in our new home. There’s space for everyone, and it is nice to own a property so we can make it our own.”
Jennifer met Daniel through the church at aged 18, they tied the knot at age 20 and had their children by aged 25.
She said: “Daniel and I have never had separate finances. We’re very intertwined financially – it’s almost co-dependent.
“We had kids young, and we were on WIC – a food program for women, infants and children – and then food stamps for a little bit.”
The couple agreed to try polyamory in December 2015 and opened up their marriage in 2016.
Jennifer said: “I posed it to my husband that I wasn’t sure whether I could do monogamy forever.
“We read books, researched, went to therapies. We took it really slow because we didn’t have much experience in dating other than each other.”
She began dating Ty in 2018 and in March 2020 they all moved in together.
“I talked to my kids about it, and we asked for their permission. It was a decision we made really mindfully and carefully,” she said.
The three also spoke at length about finances before deciding to combine them.
Together, their income is around $160,000-a-year – Jennifer makes roughly $30,000, Daniel $55,000, and Ty, $75,000.
“We talked a lot about how to split costs, and we’ve never had a fight about it.
I’m not worrying about money all the time. I’m not panicking and freaking out like I was when it was just me and Daniel.
Jennifer Martin
“We’re just really focused on thinking – what do we need to cut? What do we need to do to make big purchases or big financial decisions?
“Not one of us is a big spender. We’re all pretty moderate. We don’t deny ourselves everything for savings but also don’t make random $500 purchases,” she explained.
Jennifer says they are in a ‘vee’ relationship – meaning she and Ty are dating, but Daniel and Ty aren’t.
Jennifer switches her time equally between her two partners’ beds in the house, taking a basket of her things between the rooms.
This sleeping arrangement was “one of the first things we landed on when we all moved in together,” Ty said.
Usually, Jennifer spends two nights with Ty and then two nights with Daniel, that is unless someone is out of town or “spending a night with another partner
Daniel is her only legal spouse, but Daniel and Ty share the mortgage agreement – because Jennifer wanted Ty to benefit if anything were to happen to her.
Jennifer said: “We’ve all intertwined our finances purposefully so in a way we’re all connected. Ty and Daniel don’t date, but their names are on the mortgage, not mine.
“Ty’s not legally married to me, and he isn’t a legal parent to my children, so I wanted to make sure if something happens then we all have each other.”
What is polyamory?
Polyamory is the practice of having romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties.
It can refer to relationships where one person has multiple partners or spouses, or where all parties are in a relationship with each other, for example in a throuple.
According to You Gov, 6.8% of people in the UK have been in a polyamorous relationship.
In a bid to intertwine their lives as much as possible and avoid “any potential future legal issues” Jennifer and Ty even have credit cards together
Jennifer says they split financial costs “proportionally to who makes what” and divide up the chores.
She said: “Everyone has their own individual strengths.
“I’m the manager – the momager – I schedule things, I know when the kids have events, and always know what’s going on.”
Ty added: “Daniel does a lot of the heavy-duty maintenance – if it involves tools, it’s usually him.
“I am the family tech support and deal with the majority of the finances and paying the bills.
“We all have our roles when it comes to household responsibilities – we are all in charge of core parenting responsibilities as well as keeping a clean and maintained home.”
We’ve all intertwined our finances purposefully so in a way we’re all connected.
Jennifer Martain
The three are not in a closed relationship and Jennifer, Daniel and Ty all have separate partners.
“In monogamy there’s this assumption that you’ll date someone seriously – you’ll move in together, get married, maybe have kids.
“Whereas in a lot of non-monogamous situations, people aren’t on the relationship escalator at all.
“You kind of decide how entangled you get with somebody, and there’s no expected end goal,” Jennifer said.
Having Ty around as an extra parent is something that “just happened naturally,” the mum added.
“I love the way we all come together and make each other laugh and genuinely care about each other.
“I’m not worrying about money all the time. I’m not panicking and freaking out like I was when it was just me and Daniel.
“Now, my kids are happy. My family is functioning better and we have a house together.”
