Tales from the Coffeeshop: Mission to stride the world stage has been shot down
THE PILLAR of regional stability, with its much-touted geostrategic significance growing substantially in the last months, is having difficulty managing the government narrative about its vital humanitarian role in the Middle East war.
This positioning repeated ad nauseam by Prezniktwo in his noble drive to join the world statesmen club, as well as to make us feel national pride in our midget country’s important role, has been shot down by events of the last week.
On Tuesday, the defence ministry announced that there would be joint military exercises of the US air force and National Guard in the Nicosia flight information region (FIR). We would not be supplying any planes, just ground forces.
On Thursday our humanitarian role was dealt another big blow when the American amphibious assault ship USS Wasp arrived in Limassol port, and it was clear it was not here to take humanitarian aid to Gaza via the Amalthea sea corridor.
The pro-Palestinian activists, who were not on holiday, held a protest rally near the port on Friday under the rallying slogan ‘No harbour to genocide’, urging people to join the demo and “say no to ships of death in our ports.”
Only an Iran attack that would lead to the evacuation of civilians via Kyproulla could now restore our country’s humanitarian branding.
THE GOVERNMENT was at pains to defend its humanitarian role, repeating Prezniktwo’s favourite new soundbite.
In an interview with French paper Le Figaro, he said, “Cyprus does not constitute part of the problem in the Middle East but part of the solution,” assuring that no Cypriot port or airport was used or would be used for war purposes.
On Friday, to reassure the world that he wanted peace he posted on ‘X’ that he fully endorsed the US-Egypt-Qatar statement for a ceasefire in Gaza and release of hostages, as if this endorsement carried great political weight.
“As an integral partner of the region #Cyprus will continue to exert every effort + assist towards this end.”
Hopefully, the Hezbollah leader Nasrallah, who told poor old Kyproulla back in June that he would consider it “part of the war” if it continued to cooperate militarily with Israel (which it has not) was informed about our prez’s support for the peace plan and about us not being part of the problem.
THE WEST-HATING commies of Akel seized this golden opportunity to turn the screw on our pro-US government, accusing it of turning Kyproulla into a “foreign military base” and putting the security of the Cypriot people at risk.
“The continuing build-up of US military forces on our island, both inside and outside the British bases, is heightening our risks and concerns,” the party said, not considering that Hezbollah may have been reading its statement.
Mini Me responded that the presence of aircraft and ships “falls within the scope of Cyprus’ humanitarian responsibilities”, and that “we are working with our international partners toward the goal of avoiding an escalation of the crisis.”
This may have convinced Hezbollah of our strictly humanitarian role but not the comrades of Akel, who came back with a response that even contained a bit of humour. Was the government turning Kyproulla into a bridge of peace, or making it part of the problem, it asked.
THIS WAS latest instalment of negative publicity that our government, which has been battered for the last few weeks, has had to deal with.
Social media has been flooded with offensive comments. With the positive spin put on bad situations no longer fooling anybody and the support base shrinking alarmingly, Prezniktwo had to go against his nature and act decisively.
The masterplan was to take a few million of the taxpayer’s money and give it to all those with children at school, claiming that it is one of the government’s measures to help families deal with the high prices.
The government will be generously spending €9.5 million as part of the Prez’s ongoing drive to tackle the big slump in his popularity. And because the slump is exhibited in all social classes there will be no income criteria for cash gifts which are for every family, even those with three maids and five cars.
They even came up with an advertising slogan – “At every start, together” – for the cash handouts in the hope the government will build some brand loyalty and parents will come back to the government next year, before the start of school seeking cash gifts for their kids.
THE CASH handouts, unsurprisingly, were announced by the people-pleaser-in-chief himself, who could not contemplate some other member of his government taking the credit for his altruistic generosity.
He was filmed in his open-necked shirt, outside the presidential palace, informing us that “we support in a practical way our students and their families in their new start.” He offered a variation on the official advertising slogan, closing the video with the vacuous message, “We start together, in every new start.”
Under the “at every start, together” publicity-boosting scheme, 26,000 students will receive €100 towards the purchase of school supplies, while another 17,000 will be entitled to subsidies for buying tablets (€200) or laptops (€400) at a total cost of €5m. Another million will go towards subsiding bus fares, the only sensible measure as it is the less well-off kids that use the bus.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that this new start will limit the unfair, negative publicity our prez has been receiving, at least for a while, because I would really hate his generosity to go unrewarded.
Knowing how ungrateful most parents are, I bet they will still be attacking the government in September, after taking the dosh, about the lack of ACs in classrooms.
PROTESTS about classroom ACs are nothing compared to the merciless onslaught by Sigma TV – the bash-patriotic guardian of our national interests which issues treachery certificates – he has suffered lately.
Zeus Hadjicostis has unleashed all his rottweilers against the hapless Nik and they have been systematically accusing him of treachery and being ready to surrender Kyproulla to the Turks.
It is not that he has done anything, but his mere mention of possible Cyprob developments in September has put the Sigma rottweilers in kill mode.
Its self-regarding political analyst Thoktor Yiannos Charalambides, who suffers from the incurable disease of taking himself way too seriously and poses as the protector of Hellenism, slammed the Prez’s readiness to surrender to Turkey.
Thoktor Yiannos also declared Greece’s foreign minister Giorgos Gerapetritis a traitor, for criticising our side’s lack of political courage on the Cyprob, but for also ‘bowing’ to Erdogan during a meeting.
Meanwhile, the station’s boss Chrysanthos Tsouroullis, who suffers from the same disease as the thoktor, has been issuing treachery certificates to Greek PM Kyriakos Mitsotakis, accusing him of wanting to give Kyproulla to the Turks.
AS IF SIGMA’S assault was not bad enough, the Prez also has the pro-settlement mob having a go at him for not being sincerely interested in negotiating a solution and for being obsessed with triumphing in the blame game.
He is not doing too badly in this respect, but this obsession led him to commit a mega-blunder in announcing last weekend a trilateral meeting in New York with the UNSG. He also gave the date, despite nothing being agreed and no invitations having been sent.
Not only was his claim denied by the UN, it also allowed the intellectually challenged Ersin Tatar to take the moral high ground and pose as a smart operator. Tatar laughed at the suggestion there would be such meeting which he had never agreed to.
Nik may have won another round of the Cyprob blame-game, but he was also disparaged for wrecking any prospect of a meeting in the Big Apple, which may have been his intention anyway. He will also be considered by the UNSG as totally untrustworthy and insincere, though this is an insult many of his predecessors wore as a badge of honour.
THE ATTACKS did not end there. He also had newspaper columnists, led by the perpetually angry Giorgos Kallinikou, criticising him for the Vasiliko gas terminal scam, which he had nothing to do with.
The decision had not been taken by the council of ministers he was a member of but personally by his incorruptible mentor Nik I. This led Kallinikou and others to accuse him of covering up for Nik and protecting him.
The writer said nobody believed the prez when he asserted that “there will be no cover-up for anyone for Vasiliko,” and he reminded us that the prez had been covering up his mentor by saying nothing for four months about the ongoing investigation into the scam by the European public prosecutor.
And we all thought communication skills and PR were our prez’s main qualities. I fear he could go on a Tof-style spending spree and still not neutralise the bad publicity.
OUR establishment takes this opportunity to remind Mr Nasrallah that Kyproulla is not part of the problem but part of solution (except when it comes to the Cyprob).