What I Witnessed While Trying the Trump 3-Inch Footlong

I live in a pretty steady state of decision paralysis, especially when the decision involves food. Ahead of traveling to Chicago this week—since I knew I wouldn't have the time or the stomach space to try every deep dish pie or Chicago dog in the city—I was already stressed about how I would decide what I would try and from where. But then I saw on Twitter that The Wieners Circle partnered with Planned Parenthood Great Rivers's mobile clinic on Monday and Tuesday, and they had a very fun sign about a Trump three-inch footlong. Nothing makes a decision easier like a silly marquee and an edible gimmick. Plus, they supported reproductive rights! "We’re happy to support all reproductive health decisions, it’s up to you - NOT the government," The Wiener's Circle tweeted on Monday, in response to Planned Parenthood's tweet about their mobile clinic's services (vasectomies, medication abortion, and emergency contraception). "All patients at the mobile health clinic will get a free hot dog coupon on us." Not bad. https://t.co/Zw9mVRw3zQ pic.twitter.com/y6DP4hUcKV — The Wieners Circle (@TheWienerCircle) August 16, 2024 I did not get a free hot dog, but I did go to their restaurant and order the char cheddar dog with everything, as well as the Trump three-inch hot dog. It's weird to say that a tiny hot dog named after Trump's probably tiny penis was delicious, but it was! While I was waiting for my order, one woman walked in and asked the person at the counter about the "abortion bus." I could not guess her age if you paid me $1 million dollars but, as she was leaving—after learning that the mobile health clinic was at another location—she called it "the school bus of death" loud enough for everyone to hear. Weird! As I sat at the picnic tables outside to enjoy my dogs, I watched approximately seven people stop and take a photo of the sign. An older couple went in to get one after the woman called it "the best sign I've seen yet." And, at one point, a bunch of elderly men on bicycles rode by and the man who was seemingly leading the pack waved around his red Trump hat and yelled out, "Trump footlong!" I guess he didn't read the entire sign. Unfortunately, the woman at the counter later told me that, even though a lot of people are coming in just because of the sign, they've also got "a lot of hate e-mails" for partnering with the mobile clinic. "I opened up my e-mail this morning, it was like 'Fuck you guys,' 'I'm never coming back there,' 'You guys suck,' Blah blah blah." I commented that people opposed to abortion are aggressive, to which she responded, "They got a lot of time on their hands." Stay tuned for where we eat next, and if you know of any deep dish spots partnering with IVF clinics, let us know! Subscribe to Jezebel and follow us on Instagram and Twitter for continued coverage of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago.