I’m devastated by the end of my emotional affair

DEAR DEIDRE: THE end of my emotional affair has devastated me and I don’t know how to move on.

Even though my male friend and I only sexted, it feels like a major break-up. I can’t stop crying, and I don’t know how to explain this to my husband.

I’m 39 and my husband is 40. The man I had the “affair” with is 38.

He and I met at work and were friends for years. It was a flirty relationship, but as we were both married, didn’t intend anything happening between us.

Then a few months ago, he confided in me that he was unhappy at home. I admitted things weren’t great with my husband either.

He no longer complimented me or wanted to talk, and our sex life had grown stale.

My friend and I grew closer and one evening, when he was drunk, he sent a suggestive message.

To my surprise, it made me feel really excited, so I responded with a naughty message. 

This progressed to video chats and sending explicit photos. It was such fun.

But then his wife walked in while he was talking to me and nearly caught us. He said we had to end our friendship, as it was too risky.

We’ve since blocked each other, but I’m bereft and miss him so much. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Hard as it may be, ending this “emotional affair” is for the best. Had it carried on, it is likely it would have progressed to a full-blown physical affair. 

It was a pleasant distraction from your problems with your husband, which you now need to fix. Tell him that you miss intimacy and want to get things back on track. 

Read my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, for more on how to do this. 

As for getting over your friend, see Mend Your Broken Heart, for more advice. Talking to a counsellor could help you too.