People Who Seem “Charming” But Are Actually Psychopaths Display These 3 Subtle Behaviors

They love bomb you to hook you in the beginning of relationships and friendships, then devalue you when you’re sufficiently invested in them.

Psychopaths are superficially charming and glib, and this charm works very effectively to lure potential targets into exploitative relationships, whether they be romantic relationships, friendships, familial ties, business arrangements, or even a brief rendezvous. Due to their emotional shallowness and diminished reactivity and lack of fearfulness, people who meet the traits of the “primary” subtype of psychopathy (the more cool-headed, less impulsive subtype) are able to feign emotions in an incredibly charismatic way that lowers the natural defenses of others and use their cognitive empathy—their ability to place themselves into the target’s shoes and tap into their needs, desires, and fears—to sweep people off their feet and into a manufactured fantasy of what the future could be, rather than encouraging them to pursue their best interests in a way that aligns with integrity. Using a combination of flattery and praise, false promises, and constant attention and affection known as love bombing, the psychopathic person draws you into one-sided relationships, gaslighting you into foregoing your own instincts and doubts to cater to them. Whether they’re looking for a spouse to make them look good and handle the majority of domestic labor and childrearing while they emotionally neglect them, a business associate to conduct shady dealings on their behalf to keep their own hands clean, or a friend to loan them money only to run off into the sunset when it’s time to pay their dues with interest, they can weaponize their charm and shower you with “love” in the early stages of the relationship to make you believe they’re on your side and operate under the assumption that whatever you do for them will be reciprocated. This “honeymoon” period of the relationship includes them fixating on you with intensity to train you to center them and their needs over time, before they begin withholding attention altogether once you’re sufficiently invested in them and helping them meet their personal agendas without returning the favor— basically, once their con artistry has progressed. 

They appear to support your success and happiness but take covert and underhanded methods to sabotage you to meet their personal agendas for pleasure, power, or profit.

Both narcissistic and psychopathic individuals experience malicious envy, according to research. Malicious envy is the type of envy that compels and drives an individual to take actions to undermine and sabotage the people who threaten their ego and sense of grandeur or position of power and control. This is why people with narcissistic and psychopathic traits strive to belittle people who surpass them, whether it be in attractiveness, career success, popularity, or status. Simultaneously, they will use their lovers, friends, and associates as “arm candy,” and as evidence of their normalcy for their public image, piggybacking off their success and exploiting their resources for their own gain all while taking underhanded actions to diminish and devalue you after a long period of love bombing and appearing to support you. For example, they may appear to celebrate your promotion and invite you out on a vacation to celebrate, only to abandon you at your dream destination, provoking deep anxiety in you and punishing you for succeeding. Or they may encourage you to engage in reckless behaviors or substance abuse before an important interview or presentation to prevent you from moving forward in your career, if they seek to isolate and control you. Or in the realm of business, they may profit off your ideas and take credit for your labor. 

They display sadistic pleasure when they succeed in provoking you or when you are experiencing turmoil. They manufacture chaos in your life.

Psychopathic people are prone to boredom and require high levels of stimulation to achieve a thrill. That is what makes “cat and mouse” mind games and manipulation of people so entertaining for them. The parts of their brain that relate to reward tends to get activated when they imagine others in pain, according to research. Combine this with their lack of remorse, and you’ve got an emotionally dangerous combination. According to other studies, they engage in tactics like provoking jealousy in their partners deliberately for the purposes of power and control. That is why you may notice a psychopathic individual in your life appearing amused or smug when you are experiencing distress, or when you react to chaos they’ve manufactured in your life, such as engaging in serial infidelity or leading double lives, all while dropping “hints” of their affairs and displaying duping delight when they pull the wool over your eyes. If you have been targeted by a psychopathic individual, you are not alone, and it was not your fault. You deserve to heal from toxic relationships and you are allowed to protect yourself from people who harm you.