Harriette Cole: My mother-in-law says things like, ‘What happened to your face?’
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 28-year-old woman, and up until this year, I’ve never had any serious issues with my skin.
However, seemingly out of nowhere, I developed cystic acne this year. I’ve become self-conscious, to the point where I sometimes dread going out in public or even seeing friends and family.
What’s made this even harder to cope with is the way my mother-in-law has been treating me. She’s always been somewhat critical, but ever since my skin started breaking out, she’s been downright rude. She constantly makes snide remarks and unwelcome comments about how bad my skin looks now. She’ll say things like, “What happened to your face?” or, “You should really do something about those breakouts.”
It’s humiliating and hurtful, especially when she says these things in front of other people.
I’ve tried to brush it off or change the subject when she brings it up, but her comments have only become more frequent and harsh.
How do I handle this situation with my mother-in-law? I want to stand up for myself and set boundaries, but I’m worried about how that might affect our relationship and my husband’s relationship with his mother.
— Bad Skin, Tender Heart
DEAR BAD SKIN, TENDER HEART: Start by going to a dermatologist to learn how to care for your skin in its current condition. You might also get a complete physical to learn what other factors may be contributing to this dramatic change in your skin’s health.
With insight and information from medical professionals, you will feel better able to care for yourself and to share what’s going on with your mother-in-law, if you so choose.
Talk to your husband first. Obviously, he sees what’s going on with your skin. Tell him what you are learning about skincare. Also tell him about how his mother’s comments make you feel. Ask him to support you in getting her to back off.
Next, go to her and tell her what you have learned about your skin. Tell her you are dealing with it and that you would appreciate her support rather than her negativity.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have different vacation preferences — he’s all about adventurous trips, while I’m more into relaxing getaways.
He planned a vacation for us to Costa Rica, which is perfect for his love of zip-lining and hiking through rainforests. I’m a bit worried, though, because my idea of a great vacation is lounging on a beach with a good book.
Last year, we went to a quiet beach town, and while he enjoyed a few hours of surfing, I ended up spending most of my time in the hammock. I’m concerned that in Costa Rica, I might end up feeling completely out of my element.
How can I talk to him about balancing our interests so we both get to enjoy this trip?
— Vacation Blues
DEAR VACATION BLUES: Since you and your husband like very different experiences, in the future do your best to identify vacation spots that offer both.
In Costa Rica, there’s sure to be a cool beach where you can hang out while he is zip-lining. Many locales provide a variety of activities because visitors often have varied preferences.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.