I racked up debts due to mental health problems but my wife is using it against me
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE debt problems but my wife is using it against me.
In the 20 years we’ve been together, I’ve always worked a nine-to-five job while she was a stay-at-home mum to our three children. We’re both 53.
Shortly after Christmas last year, I began to struggle with my mental health.
As a result, I began to feel exhausted, often coming home and going straight to bed at 6pm.
I started seeking out counselling but at the same time I slowly lost my grip on our finances.
My wife took over and found out I’d forgotten to pay most of our bills and had racked up a huge debt.
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She was not happy and it led to huge arguments. When my wife found out how badly we were in debt, she laid into me, and I felt like I deserved it.
It’s eight months on now but she still won’t let it go. She constantly puts me down, telling me I’m useless, criticising my appearance and saying that I need to lose the weight I’ve gained.
She’s even called me some horrendous nicknames like “whale”. I didn’t even put on that much weight when I was ill.
Now she says she doesn’t need me any more and can do things for herself.
The comments are so awful that I avoid her at all costs.
We hardly talk to each other and don’t even give each other a peck on the cheek.
My biggest fear is that if I leave her, she will stop me from seeing our children. I lost enough time with them when I was unwell and I’m trying to make up for any damage I may have caused.
I’ve lost my wife, and now I don’t want to lose my children.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner is verbally abusing you.
Whether she is angry at the situation you both found yourselves in or not, her behaviour is unacceptable.
If you both want to save this relationship, this needs to stop.
My support packs, Looking After Your Relationship and Abusive Partner, will help you during this difficult time.
If you’re still suffering from any mental health issues, please speak to your GP.
They might be able to help arrange for you to see a counsellor.
You may have made some financial mistakes but constantly berating you won’t improve your prospects – only working together will.