Why didn't they make Jack Daniel's Hard Tea taste like, you know, Jack Daniel's?

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage (or food) that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

On its surface, the very idea of Jack Daniel’s Hard Tea sounds awesome. Bourbon and sweet tea? That’s an awesome drink, particularly in the summer. Toss in flavors like peach, raspberry and the perpetually underutilized blackberry and, hot damn, that’s an easy “yes” for me even on a crowded shelf of seltzers and canned cocktails.

Jack Daniel’s is as famous for what it mixes with as it is as a spirit on its own. So it’s no surprise the brand that brought us Lynchburg Lemonade and recently branched out into pre-mixed, co-branded Jack and Cokes has jumped into a burgeoning hard tea market.

So why doesn’t it work?

I love bourbon. I love sweet tea. I love nebulous artificial flavors that pervert the general idea of fruit into a powder or color. But Jack Daniel’s Hard Tea just seems off. After years of filling up a 52 ounce Kwik Trip cup with a pound of ice, a baseline of tea and a generous pour of whiskey before heading to apartment pools, this is a product marketed toward me. Even with that foot in the door, however, it’s not getting a place in my house.

Let’s drink some and talk about why.