I tried to take my own life three times – I was hiding a huge secret and thought everyone would be better off without me
CALLUM Chapman, 25, was hiding a secret when he tried to take his own life three times at the age of 15.
Only when the young lad, from Oxford, opened up did he realise it wasn’t worth loving his life over.
On World Suicide Prevention Day, Callum – who is a fundraiser for leading men’s health charity Movember – is bravely telling his story to help others.
Some 115 people die to suicide every week. Three of four suicides in the UK are men.
Movember is at the forefront of trying to change that statistic, including by teaching people how to have conversations about mental health with each other. It’s online tool, Movember Conversations, helps people practise this.
Speaking of his most difficult times, Callum says he wished people had more frequently challenged him directly and asked how he was.
The medical student at Swansea University tells Sun Health: “I wish I’d had someone asking, and I mean really asking, how I was.
“Someone actually saying, ‘How did you sleep, have you eaten today?’
“That constant check in might have encouraged me to open up about how I was really feeling.
“Having empathy and being given a space to talk is what a lot of suicidal people need, don’t expect them to talk on your terms when it suits you but persevere and don’t give up, we want help, we really do.”
Callum realised he was gay at the age of 14 but struggled to admit it to himself.
He said: “Despite knowing from a young age, I grew up in an environment where that wasn’t something to be celebrated.
“In my teenage years I hid completely how I felt.
“I even had a relationship for a year with an amazing girl – she was beautiful and I was definitely punching above my weight.
“When we split up she suggested she thought I might be gay but as weird as it sounds now, I didn’t think I was gay enough to be gay.
“I hated theatre and drama and I loved sport and was on my way to playing international hockey.
“As a consequence, all I felt was shame. I felt like a disappointment to my family and people who knew me.
“It was such a huge secret to keep and that took its toll and I started to think everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around.
“The issue with suicidal thoughts is that once they’re ingrained in your head, they’re hard to shake.
“The year I turned 15 I attempted to take my own life three times.”
After attempts at taking his own life, Callum got ‘life-changing therapy’.
He says: “I told my parents [that I was gay], and my mum told me she already knew and my dad said ‘fair enough’.
“I can laugh about it now, I’d built the news into something huge and their incredible support meant everything.”
Callum has learned self-care, including eating a healthy diet, exercise and sleep, can go a long way in improving his mental health.
He says: “I’ve experienced incredibly poor mental health and because of that, I do everything I can to keep mine in check.
“It’s not just eating well and exercising though, although I do those a lot.
“When I feel myself starting to struggle, I schedule as much as I can so I don’t have to think too much – I run at whatever o’clock, I meet friends on this evening. It helps but so does journalling.
“If I can’t put my finger on how I’m feeling I’ll start writing about my day and quite often the feelings will come out after a bit of writing about banal things.
“There’s a sense for people not to feel like they’re a burden and that can lead to isolation which can lead to suicidal thoughts.
“But the people who love you want you around. You matter.”
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans,www.samaritans.org, 116 123