Here are the winners at the 2024 MTV Video Music Awards

MTV held its annual Video Music Awards tonight—a.k.a. the only major awards show where you're likely to go "Holy shit, does Chappell Roan have a crossbow?" while watching. (FYI: Chappell Roan had a crossbow.) Amidst the speeches, the performances, the bit where Katy Perry demanded we all acknowledge that she's still relevant—something every relevant person constantly does—and more, the network that used to show music videos did hand out some actual music video awards, recognizing its particularly populist kind of musical greatness for another year.

Sabrina Carpenter, for instance, can now put "Beat Beyoncé and Taylor Swift at the same time" on her C.V. for the rest of her life, with her track "Espresso" coming out on top in the Song Of The Year category. Not that Taylor didn't have Moon People piled up at her feet pretty early on: She won for Best Collaboration and Song Of Summer early on, both for "Fortnight," with Post Malone. Down in the genre mines, Lenny Kravitz won for Best Rock song for his track "Human," Tyla won for Best Afrobeats for "Water," and Benson Boone got Best Alternative for "Beautiful Things." And if you want a study in contrasts, Megan Thee Stallion picked up Best Trending Video for "Mamushi," while Perry (who did a greatest hits performance) received the "VMAs Most Iconic Performance" for her rendition of "Roar"…which she did in 2013. (And it was a great performance! We're just saying, it's a very "What have you done for me, lately?" sort of win.)

Update, 9:46 p.m.: Who said it was okay to have different songs named "Houdini" nominated at this thing, anyway? Eminem and Dua Lipa both took home awards for their individual tracks of that same title this evening, with the Detroit rapper getting Best Visual Effects and Best Hip-Hop, while Dua Lipa got Best Choreography. Lisa and SZA won for Best K-Pop and Best R&B, respectively, while Billie Eilish snagged the "Video For Good" award. But the big narrative, unsurprisingly, is the continued dominance of the Kingmaker herself, Taylor Swift, who has now won for Best Direction, Best Editing, Best Pop, and, of course, Artist Of The Year. We can only thank the non-existence of time travel for keeping her from winning Best New Artist, too; that instead went to the ascendant wielder of medieval weaponry, Chappell Roan.

Update, 10:14 p.m.: Can we shock you, friends? The VMAs just handed the Best Video Of The Year award to a young up-and-comer named, get this, Taylor Swift (feat. Post Malone). Swift won for her video for "Fortnight" off of The Tortured Poets Department, adding the trophy to the pile. Congratulations to this plucky underdog, although we do find ourselves wondering idly whether she now regrets blowing her "Tribute to the victims of 9/11" speech on her first win of the night, for Best Collaboration, when she could have saved it for now. (She did thank boyfriend Travis Kelce, and encouraged fans to go register to vote, which was nice.) Meanwhile, if you just want to see Chappell Roan doing cool/nerdy shit, please check out this video of her reading from her journal while decked out in chainmail and telling "all the queer kids in the Midwest" that they can be "exactly who you want to be, bitch" while accepting her Best New Artist.

Oh, also, they had those creepy Smile people in the audience again. Haven't missed those.

Updated VMA 2024 winners list:

Best Music Video: "Fortnight," Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone

Best New Artist: Chappell Roan

Artist Of The Year: Taylor Swift

Song Of Summer: Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone, "Fortnight"

Best Performance: LE SSERAFIM, "Easy"

Best Group: SEVENTEEN

VMAs Most Iconic Performance: Katy Perry, "Roar"

Song Of The Year: Sabrina Carpenter, "Espresso"

Best Collaboration: Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone, "Fortnight"

Best Alternative: Benson Boone, "Beautiful Things"

Best Rock: Lenny Kravitz, "Human"

Best Afrobeats: Tyla, "Water"

Best Pop: Taylor Swift

Best Hip-Hop: Eminem, "Houdini"

Best R&B: SZA, "Snooze"

Best K-Pop: Lisa, "Rockstar"

Best Latin: Anitta, "Mil Veces"

Video For Good: Billie Eilish, "What Was I Made For?"

Best Direction: "Fortnight," Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone

Best Cinematography: "We Can't Be Friends (Wait For Your Love)", Ariana Grande

Best Visual Effects: "Houdini," Eminem

Best Choreography: "Houdini," Dua Lipa

Best Art Direction: "BOA," Megan Thee Stallion

Best Editing: "Fortnight," Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone

Best Trending Video: Megan Thee Stallion feat. Yuki Chiba, "Mamushi"